People pleasing is a habit that affects so many of us in midlife, often masquerading as kindness or duty. While we all want to care for our loved ones, it becomes a problem when it constantly drains our energy, causes stress, and negatively impacts our nervous system. 

In this episode, which is part two of our two-week focus on the topic, I welcome Lori Montry. Lori is an author, a somatic practitioner, an educator, and the founder of the You're Not the Problem movement. We dive deep into why people pleasing is actually a nervous system adaptation designed for safety, why simply trying to force boundaries usually backfires, and how midlife provides the perfect opportunity to finally step into the starring role of your own life. 

What You’ll Learn:

The Safety Strategy: Why people pleasing isn't a character defect, but rather an evolutionary adaptation wired into our DNA to keep us safe and connected. 

Alignment vs. Capacity: How to evaluate your "yeses" by asking yourself not only if a choice aligns with your values, but if you actually have the energetic capacity for it. 

The Midlife Shift: How the decline of estrogen and the natural transitions of our 40s and 50s give us the internal push to explore what we truly want in our next phase of life. 

Links & Resources:

Sponsor: Get 10% off Vitamin G with code MINDYOURMIDLIFE

 Lori's Website & Free Resources: lorimontry.com

 Lori's book: You're Not the Problem

Listen to Part 1: Episode 96 

Cheryl's Midlife Recharge: cherylpfischer.com/recharge

Episode Chapters: 

00:00:00 - Intro To People Pleasing
00:01:11 - Sponsor Vitamin G
00:01:47 - Part Two Focus And Guest
00:04:16 - Lori’s Pivot From Law
00:09:42 - What People Pleasing Really Means
00:12:39 - When Pleasing Becomes A Safety Plan
00:16:13 - Why You Cannot Just Stop
00:20:01 - Stop Being A Supporting Character
00:21:31 - Midlife Pressures And Hormone Shifts
00:23:34 - Change Without Fighting Yourself
00:27:25 - Values Versus Capacity In Real Life
00:31:03 - Weekly Review And Body Wisdom
00:32:47 - Somatics And Where To Find Lori
00:39:07 - Closing Thoughts And Intuition Reminder

Why This Episode Matters By understanding that your people-pleasing habits were originally designed to protect you, you can stop fighting yourself and start gently guiding your nervous system toward true authenticity. It’s time to stop being a supporting character and become the main character in your own life. 

Take a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.

00:00 Intro To People Pleasing
01:11 Sponsor Vitamin G
01:47 Part Two Focus And Guest
04:16 Lori’s Pivot From Law
09:42 What People Pleasing Really Means
12:39 When Pleasing Becomes A Safety Plan
16:13 Why You Cannot Just Stop
20:01 Stop Being A Supporting Character
21:31 Midlife Pressures And Hormone Shifts
23:34 Change Without Fighting Yourself
27:25 Values Versus Capacity In Real Life
29:40 (Cont.) Values Versus Capacity In Real Life
31:03 Weekly Review And Body Wisdom
32:47 Somatics And Where To Find Lori
39:07 Closing Thoughts And Intuition Reminder