Quick Summary: In part one of a two-part mini-series on the men in our lives, Cheryl talks with James Davis, a coaching psychologist, men's health advocate, and author of The Midlife Male Handbook, about what men go through in midlife. You'll learn what andropause is, why many men withdraw instead of talking, and how to gently start a conversation that brings you closer.
Intro:
We talk a lot on this show about what we're going through in midlife: hormones, adult kids, aging parents, career changes. But what about the men in our lives? Beyond the red-sports-car "midlife crisis" stereotype, there are real changes happening for our husbands, partners, brothers, and friends, and many of them don't have the words to explain it.
In this episode, I welcome James Davis, an award-winning coach, coaching psychologist, and men's health advocate with over a decade of experience. James and his wife, Claire, are the Midlife Mentors, hosts of a popular UK podcast focused on midlife health and well-being. James is also the author of The Midlife Male Handbook: A Man's Guide to Thriving Through Andropause. We talk about testosterone decline, why men pull back when they're struggling, and simple ways to reconnect, and maybe even have more fun together.
What You'll Learn:
✔ What Andropause Really Is: Why it's not "male menopause," and how a gradual drop in testosterone can affect energy, confidence, motivation, and mood
✔ Why Men Withdraw: How career identity, breadwinner pressure, and a lack of emotional vocabulary can lead men to go quiet instead of opening up
✔ How to Start the Conversation: A gentle, low-pressure way to check in with your partner, plus one simple repair sentence for heated moments
Links & Resources:
James and Claire's podcast and website, Midlife Mentors: themidlifementors.com
James's website: jamespdavis.com
James's book: The Midlife Male Handbook: A Man's Guide to Thriving Through Andropause
This episode's sponsor, Barre3 Arlington: first class free, plus $10 off a class package with code ARLMindYourMidlife
Sponsor Mind Your Midlife: cherylpfischer.com/mymsponsorinfo
Frequently Asked Questions:
Do men go through menopause?
James says no, and calls it a myth worth dispelling. Men experience andropause, an age-related decline in testosterone that happens gradually, so it's often written off as stress, tiredness, or just getting older.
Why does my husband seem withdrawn or less confident in midlife?
James explains that hormone changes, questions like "Have I achieved what I wanted?", and a lack of emotional vocabulary often hit at the same time. Many men pull back and go quiet until they can figure it out themselves, which can create distance in a relationship.
How do I talk to my partner about this without making it a big deal?
James suggests picking a calm moment and mentioning what you've noticed, like seeing friends less, without making it about the relationship. Let him know you'd like to work on it together, even if he can't put it into words yet.
Should men in midlife get their testosterone tested?
James recommends a simple blood test through your doctor, ideally two or three tests since levels fluctuate. If levels are low, he says to start with lifestyle changes: exercise (especially strength training), less sugar and processed food, enough protein, and good sleep.
What should men know before starting testosterone replacement therapy (TRT)?
James notes that TRT isn't right for some health conditions and can affect fertility. Over time it can shut down the body's own testosterone production, so he says to think of it as a lifelong commitment.
How can couples handle perimenopause and andropause at the same time?
James says it comes down to compassion: breathe, pause, and don't take things personally. He suggests asking, "What do you need from me right now?" as a simple way to repair a tense moment.
Episode Chapters:
00:00:00 - Midlife, Now Including The Men
00:03:59 - What Andropause Looks Like
00:09:14 - Breadwinner Pressure And Fewer Friends
00:16:24 - Starting The Talk Without Pressure
00:18:27 - When Both Partners Are Shifting
00:20:55 - Retirement, Loneliness, And Purpose
00:24:19 - Testosterone Tests And TRT Tradeoffs
00:29:11 - Shared Goals, More Fun, Key Takeaway
Why This Episode Matters:
When we understand that the men in our lives are going through something real, and may not have the words for it, we can respond with curiosity instead of blame, and build stronger, more connected relationships in this chapter.
This episode is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice.
Take a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.
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00:00 Midlife, Now Including The Men
03:59 What Andropause Looks Like
09:14 Breadwinner Pressure And Fewer Friends
16:24 Starting The Talk Without Pressure
18:27 When Both Partners Are Shifting
20:55 Retirement, Loneliness, And Purpose
24:19 Testosterone Tests And TRT Tradeoffs
29:11 Shared Goals, More Fun, Key Takeaway
