Quick Summary:
In this solo episode, Cheryl explains why capable women in their 40s and 50s can still feel intimidated, small, or anxious in certain situations, and how those reactions often come from “old software” stored in the subconscious brain during childhood. You’ll learn how to spot your own patterns, trace them to where they started and use an evidence journal to rewrite the old story.
Intro:
You’re 45... 50... 55. You have decades of life experience. So why does meeting someone who seems effortlessly polished still make you want to hide?
In this episode, I share the story of “the Nordstrom lady,” the neighbor who intimidated me for months before we became friends, and what it taught me about the old reactions we carry from childhood. We talk about how the subconscious brain stores automatic responses when we’re young, why those responses can still run the show in midlife and how to update them with kindness and evidence.
What You’ll Learn:
✔ Old Software in the Brain: Why reactions learned in childhood still show up in your 40s and 50s, and how neuroplasticity means you can change them
✔ Finding Your Pattern: Reflection questions to spot where you feel intimidated, over-apologize, avoid asking or seek approval again and again
✔ Rewriting the Story: How to name the emotion, find where it started and keep an evidence journal that proves the old story wrong
Links & Resources:
Cheryl’s Midlife Recharge and the Being Profile: cherylpfischer.com/recharge
Lucid podcast promotion, $25 off your first month: cherylpfischer.com/lucid (This is an affiliate link. If you use it, I may earn a commission, which supports the show.)
Frequently Asked Questions:
Why do I still feel intimidated by certain people as an adult?
Cheryl explains that many automatic reactions are stored in the subconscious brain when we’re young, mostly before age seven. They made sense at the time, but they can keep running in adulthood until we notice and update them.
Can you change old thought patterns in midlife?
Yes. Cheryl points to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to keep making new connections at any age. She says the changes don’t happen automatically, so we have to make them actively, but we can.
How do I know which childhood patterns are affecting me now?
Cheryl suggests looking for reactions that repeat: who or what regularly intimidates you, where you feel small or young, where you over-explain or over-apologize, what you avoid asking for, which compliments are hard to accept and where you overreact.
How do I figure out where a reaction comes from?
Cheryl recommends noticing the emotion the situation brings up, then asking whether you felt the same way as a child, teen or young adult. She also suggests asking whether a parent, teacher, sibling or coach’s voice is behind it.
What is an evidence journal?
Cheryl describes it as a place to write down each time you recognize an old reaction and choose differently. Recording those moments helps your brain reinforce the new story and let the old one go.
When should I get professional help with old patterns?
Cheryl says that if reflecting on these patterns brings up painful or traumatic memories, a therapist is the right place to start. If you’re recognizing patterns but feeling stuck, a coach can help.
Episode Chapters:
00:00:00 - Rethinking The Midlife Story
00:01:21 - Podcast Growth Promo And Affiliate Link
00:02:07 - Why Polished People Intidimidate Me
00:03:00 - The Nordstrom Lady Friendship Story
00:07:18 - Old Reactions Stored In The Subconscious
00:09:02 - Childhood Roots Of Feeling Less Than
00:13:22 - Questions To Spot Your Pattern
00:17:43 - How Emotions Shape Daily Behaviour
00:18:53 - Trace The Feeling Back In Time
00:24:43 - Reframe The Moment With New Evidence
00:26:38 - Therapy Or Coaching Plus Next Week
Music: Cartwheels by Good News Tunes, licensed by Premium Beats. YouTube ID: NOYTHM5TOK62B7JY
Why This Episode Matters
When you understand where your reactions come from, you can treat yourself with compassion and choose a new response, whether that’s introducing yourself to someone who intimidates you, asking for the raise, or finally accepting a compliment.
Take a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.
