The Surprising Link Between What You Wear and How You Show Up as a Midlife Woman (Ep. 27)

0:00 Are you a morning person or a night person? How do you feel about facing the day when you get up in the morning? I have to confess I'm a night person and I have done quite a bit of adjusting over the past few years to change how I feel about getting up in the morning. I'll tell you a little bit about that at the end. But first, what's the deal about getting dressed? If you're not going anywhere, does it matter whether you get dressed for the day? And if you are going somewhere, does it matter what you put on? Let's talk about it. Welcome to Mind your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success, one thought at a time.

0:45 Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life or feel truly confident in your body. Each week you'll gain actionable strategies and oh my goodness, powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife. This is the Mind your Midlife podcast. As you might have guessed, since you're listening to this podcast, I work from home. I do my coaching, my podcast, my corporate training from home, most of the time.

1:26 Obviously, sometimes I go out and lead something or teach something, but most of the time I'm sitting in front of my computer doing my work. So if you were to see me on a video or on a Zoom, am I fully dressed or am I wearing PJs on the bottom, or maybe what my friends and I like to call soft pants? You'll never know. And so the question is does it matter? Let's take it further. What if you don't have to be on video? Do you just kind of spend the day in your PJs and get your work done? Do you wash your face, brush your hair, fix your hair?

2:09 Mine's curly brushing it would be a nightmare. Do you put on any makeup? Have you thought about whether you do or don't? Maybe you just kind of have a habit. Experts say it does matter how we put ourselves together. No matter whether we're leaving the house or we're not. It matters how we put ourselves together, and that is because of how our brains perceive us and perceive the situation. So we're going to dive into this and see if we can make your day even more productive and more satisfying. So why do we even get dressed?

2:53 Why do we pick out certain items of clothing, like this sweater I have on as I'm recording this. Put them on. Why do we do our hair in a certain way? Put our makeup on, and if you don't wear makeup, the equivalent is fix your hair, wash your face, whatever. Why do we even do that? Well, inherently, clothing and putting our best foot forward in terms of face and hair is a protection and it's kind of a display. So we're covering ourselves. That's the protection. We're maintaining our modesty to whatever extent we want to, but we're also putting ourselves on display.

3:37 We're decorating ourselves in a certain way, and that means we then feel confident and comfortable interacting with people that we need to interact with or want to interact with. We feel the way we want to feel in those situations. So it's both a cover, which is protecting us, and it's a decoration to help us go out and interact in the world the way we want to. And related to that, there's something called enclosed cognition. I'm going to say that again because it's a little bit hard to pronounce for me anyway Enclothed cognition. And what that means is that not only are we covering our bodies with our clothes, but the clothes we choose are affecting our brains, and you know, you are listening to Mind, your Midlife.

4:30 So we need to talk about this. The clothes you choose are putting you in a different psychological state. Clothes have a symbolic meaning and as soon as I give you some examples, you're going to know this. Even down to the single item which necklace did you pick? Which pair of shoes, which pair of glasses? All of those meanings influence our mental state. So are you choosing to put on the soft pants? Are you putting on the fancier, more decorative necklace? Are you putting on all the rings and bracelets, are you not? They all have a meaning to us and we might not necessarily consciously think about it, but they have a meaning.

5:13 So if I'm standing at my jewelry box and I've gotten myself all dressed and I'm picking out a necklace, I'm going to pick maybe a multi-strand one, like I have on now, which I love, or maybe just a simple little one, because, for whatever reason, I just want something simple. I don't want it to show up as much and I don't really think about it typically. So this idea or concept of enclosed cognition came out of some research from Northwestern University about 11 years ago. They did an experiment using lab coats. So by lab coat I mean a white coat that a doctor or a scientist in a lab might wear.

5:54 If you're someone who works from home, like I am, I doubt you're wearing a lab coat, but you understand the concept. They decided they had a hypothesis that we think with our bodies as well as our brains. Of course we think with our brains, but they were wanting to take that further, and how we feel is based on physical experiences, including the experience of wearing clothes. So they wanted to understand more. How does this actually happen? So the participants in the experiment either wore a lab coat, that they were offered a white lab coat, or they wore their street clothes, their regular clothes, and then the people running the study tested their attentiveness.

6:41 So there was a group wearing lab coats during this test. There was a group wearing their regular clothes, and I bet you can guess what happened. The people that were wearing a lab coat had heightened alertness and awareness every single time. Every single time, every single test, they were more alert and more aware than those who were wearing their regular clothes. So the act of wearing this white lab coat that's like a doctor or a scientist type of coat, was symbolic for these people. It was equating for them something to do maybe with intelligence, with focus, and it was subconscious.

7:25 Nobody told them that you're smarter, so you'll wear a lab coat. It was subconscious, there was a symbolic meaning they assigned to a lab coat, and so they took these tests, these assessments, and every single time with a lab coat on, they tested better on attentiveness and alertness. I truly, truly am fascinated by that result. Now, we're very familiar with uniforms, so a lab coat is one type of uniform, but we see people in uniforms all the time, right, there's police, there's firemen, there's a doctor wearing scrubs, a dentist wearing scrubs.

8:05 There's just all kinds of uniforms. What they're wearing tells us what they do. We interpret something about their different skills and their different abilities, and that is absolutely inherent in how we look at and how we define the world. We don't have to think about it. We just make an assessment about this person because of the uniform they have on. So if we take it the other way, we're also making an assessment of ourselves according to what we wear, and I give you the uniform as a simple example, but it's anything that we wear.

8:47 If we're assessing other people subconsciously, not really realizing it unless it's something very obvious, maybe unusual, we're also assessing ourselves depending on what we wear. So brain science tells us that what we wear can affect how we feel. Feeling good about our outside means we're more likely to feel good about our inside. It goes both ways. Being well-dressed grows your confidence. You're inspired, maybe, to do more. You may be more productive when you're dressed well and maybe lazier when you're in your comfy clothes, your soft clothes, and maybe you have more attention to detail when you're dressed well.

9:38 Now let me just say you have a picture in your mind when I say dressed well, and you might be picturing someone in a business suit with high heels and their hair done and blown out and makeup, carrying a fancy bag. Or your version of dressed well might be someone with jeans and a cute top and kind of a snazzy bag, and we all have a different perception of that. So whatever picture you have in your mind of dressed well is fine. My picture of dressed well, I think, is somewhere in the middle of that. The way I often dress when I'm going out to do something, I always say my favorite look is like a blazer and jeans, nice jeans, nice shoes, but I don't really wear heels.

10:29 So anyway, all right, I'm getting off topic. Your definition of dressed well is your definition and that's okay, because this is about self-perception. It's about how you feel about what you look like that day, because that affects what you do, how you think, what's going on in your head and how productive you are, how confident you are. If you have learned anything from Mind your Midlife so far, it's that the stuff going on in our heads all day long, and in particular, the subconscious stuff that we don't even necessarily recognize, is what's running a lot of our decisions meaning our lives.

11:12 So if you are creating visually a person that is dressed well, your brain goes oh, I'm a person who's productive and successful, let me go and do that. Your brain likes to be right Now. You're thinking to yourself oh, she's going to tell me that I really need to get dressed every day instead of sitting around in my soft pants or my PJs, and I am going to tell you that. I'm telling you that right now. That is true, but I want you to know that I still don't necessarily do it every time either. There are days when I really just want comfort, and for me that means the soft pants, the stretchy pants.

11:59 It's comfort. It's like a little hug from my clothes. It's just like giving myself a little break. Maybe I've had a hard week, a hard day. I just need a little chill. But if you're getting dressed to be productive, or you're getting dressed to come across as a professional, or you're getting dressed to achieve something that you really want to achieve, the absolute key is that you believe in your mind that you deserve to achieve that thing and be that professional and be productive and get the thing done. It's entirely about what you believe that you deserve and what you believe that you can do. So getting dressed for that, in your definition of it, is one piece of that puzzle.

12:45 It is a signal to your brain that tells you okay, now I'm ready to do that thing I need to do. And the reason it's a signal is because of the total of all of our experiences. We're in midlife, we've had many years to be out in the world and have human experiences, and so I was talking to you about uniforms. But think about it. You've seen movies, you've seen TV, you see social media, you see people in your neighborhood, you see people in your office, you see people everywhere. You've had so many experiences with different people and you have made judgments, and I don't mean that in a mean, icky, judgy way.

13:28 I just mean you've interpreted people in your world based on what they look like and what they're wearing. We all do it. It's how we make sense of the world, and the sum total of all of that is in your head. It's in my head. So when we get dressed, if we get dressed with all of that in mind, it's really important that we're dressing for whatever the situation is that we want to walk into, for whatever the attitude is that we want to have, because it's signaling to your brain okay, now I'm going to do the thing. It changes your mindset when you get dressed. It's almost like it flips the switch and it turns your mind on.

14:14 If you have this change in your inner thoughts, your inner state of confidence, now let's talk about what happens outward. If you are feeling productive and professional and ready to go do the thing, you're going to interact differently with others as well, and you may have heard me talk about one of my phrases that I really, really love. I can figure it out You're going to go out into the world and interact with people with the thought in your mind. I can figure it out You're going to go out into the world and interact with people with the thought in your mind I can figure it out, I'm going to figure it out. And that opens you up to different interaction with people in your life and with challenges in your life. You know, you got it together, you are raring to go, and it changes entirely, entirely, how you interact with other people, and that's why we have these perceptions of the way people are dressed, because whoever you're interacting with is now going to experience you in a different way.

15:13 Now you heard me talking about makeup, so I'm not telling you you have to wear makeup and I'm not telling you what it means to dress well, that is your self-definition and I think if you sit for a minute and think about it, you'll know what it is. But the lipstick thing is funny. I want to tell you a little story. When I was growing up and I know my sister would remember this too our mom would not leave the driveway without her lipstick on, and I'm not exaggerating in any way. I can remember multiple occasions when we would all be in the car she well, she and my sister and me my mom would be backing the car out of the driveway and she would realize that she had forgotten to put her lipstick on, she would stop the car in the driveway, get the lipstick out of the purse, put the lipstick on using the rear view mirror and then we proceed as normal, absolutely not making that up.

16:15 Now I'm not trying to make fun of my mom. That is what she did for herself, as her way of symbolizing and I'm sure she didn't really sit and think this through in a conscious way but as her way of symbolizing to herself okay, world, I'm ready, let's go. So for you, it might be lipstick, it might be makeup in general, it might be a hairstyle, it might be a certain bag, it might be a certain type of clothing, a certain style, certain shoes. It's something, there's something that communicates to your mind okay, I'm in, I'm ready, I can do this. It sets the tone for you to be productive and it also signals others that you are ready to get things done.

17:03 So the question that I tend to get when I talk about this with my coaching clients is you know, I'm at home, I'm on Zoom, or maybe I don't even have my camera on. I don't have to have my camera on. Nobody's going to see me, why does it matter? Or even, I'm on Zoom, but no one's going to see my pants. Why does it matter what pants I'm wearing? And for my British listeners it always kind of makes me chuckle. I think pants my British listeners, it always kind of makes me chuckle. I think pants in the UK mean underwear. So I'm talking about trousers hopefully not just underwear. But why does it matter? As I told you a few minutes ago, I definitely sometimes don't follow my own advice.

17:45 This is how we all are. On occasion, sometimes I need the soft pants on the bottom or have my PJs on. But each time when I've done it, when I've had a nice work shirt on the top, you know, makeup and hair done and just my PJs on the bottom, I actually feel more disheveled, to be honest, because if I ever walk by and see myself in the mirror, I look like I'm on the street with no home. I've pulled some clothing randomly and it doesn't go together. It looks weird. When I see myself looking like that, is that me creating confidence and productivity for me? When I look at myself and I see, whoa, like what is going on there?

18:27 It's not. It's affecting how I feel about myself that day, even though I know and I made that decision it's in there Putting on real clothes all the way up and down. My rule is you don't have to wear shoes, because I don't wear shoes in my house, but again, you make your own rule. But being dressed up and down head toe is going to give you more confidence, give you more of the feeling that you've got this. And here let me add one more piece to this If you are dressed, you are more likely to leave the house and go out into the world, and it is healthy for you and for me to go out into the world.

19:13 Maybe you go for a walk around the block, maybe you go and get a coffee, maybe you meet a friend for coffee, maybe you go out and go to a networking event, maybe you go to do some type of hobby that you enjoy. If you don't actually have to get dressed, it seems easier. You're already dressed, you put your shoes on, you grab your coat, whatever you go, really healthy options happen because you're actually dressed. And in fact, a few episodes from now I'm going to talk about walking and the power of walking. And so, if you actually are dressed, it's so easy to just get up on your break or at lunch and take a walk around the block. In whatever you're wearing, it doesn't matter.

19:53 You just put some shoes on and go take a walk around the block. You can do that in anything. I just want to add before we wrap up here what if you do have to go to the office? If you're still hanging in there listening to me and you do have to go to the office, you obviously are probably not wearing your PJs. You're probably also not wearing your soft pants to the office and, that being said, this is powerful for you as well. This is where the whole saying dress for success came from. The decision you make about what you're wearing is communicating as much to you to yourself as it is to anyone else, maybe even more I'm going to say as a mindset coach maybe it's even more impactful to you what you choose to wear.

20:44 Don't worry about everybody else. They can think what they think and do what they do. It's impactful to you. How do you want your day to be, how do you want to feel today? And so that's what I want you to take away from this. Here's your. Oh, my goodness. This is the one thing I have to remember. Be intentional about putting yourself together, getting dressed. Ask yourself how do I want to feel today? Yourself, how do I want to feel today, and then dress for that. Put clothes on that embody the state of mind that you want. Different clothes have different meanings for you, and we do not probably each other have the same interpretation or give the same meaning to various clothes, and that's fine.

21:29 But what do they mean to you? So, when you are thinking, what am I going to wear, I want you to ask yourself how do I want to feel? Do I want to feel powerful? Do I want to feel professional? Maybe that leans a bit more towards officey wear. Do I want to be super productive? Do I want to feel desirable? Maybe that's more towards I don't know nightlife wear. Do I want to be relaxed? Actually, the soft pants would be the right choice, baby. Do I want to be creative? Then that might mean something different. Imagine outfits. Picture outfits that go with each of these different adjectives.

22:14 Some of them might be quite similar, but some of them are going to be different. Dress for how you want to feel about yourself, because when we don't take any time to make the decision about what we're going to wear Actually, I don't even want to say it that way, this decision doesn't have to take a lot of time. But when we don't put on to our body something that makes us feel the way we want to feel, we're just cheating ourselves out of a huge piece of mindset. That is tremendously powerful and this way you can do whatever you want. Is it a day when you really need rest Because you do regularly, you really need to chill, you're not trying to get work done?

23:00 Then maybe PJs is absolutely the right choice. Rest is powerful. It's about making the decision, having an intention and, if I may say I'm she's going to talk a bit more about this. But if you're keeping clothes in your closet, in your drawer, that make you feel bad about yourself, maybe it's because you used to be a different size, or I don't know. I don't know why clothes make you feel bad about yourself necessarily, or maybe they're your size, but when you put it on, you're kind of not sure you feel comfortable, or you know what I mean.

23:48 Do you really want to go through the whole day not feeling great about what you put on your body? No, get rid of them, give them away. Maybe they'll, maybe they'll be the right thing for somebody else. So if you ask yourself how do I want to feel today? And then you put yourself together in a way that embodies that decision. You've already won more than half the battle of going out into the world, whether it's on a computer or really, and you're going to know do I have the right clothes? Maybe I need more professional clothes? Maybe I need more professional clothes. Maybe I need more relaxed clothes. Maybe I got to start over because I don't even feel comfortable in my clothes.

24:31 It's about how you want to feel, because that is going to be about how you are thinking about yourself, and all of that is going to affect what you do and how you interact with other people. To affect what you do and how you interact with other people. It matters. And let me add this let's think about the end of the day. If you're someone who has trouble shutting work off, shutting down, getting off the computer, getting out of work mode, then this might help you as well. How do I want to feel now? Maybe you change and you put on the soft clothes, or maybe even the PJs. You can put PJs on whatever time you want. You are signaling to your brain whether it's time to work, whether it's time to relax, whether the workday is over, whether it's time to have fun, whatever it is you're signaling to your brain by what you are getting dressed in.

25:24 So ask yourself, how do I want to feel? And then get dressed, knowing the answer to that question and helping yourself to achieve that feeling. We're kind of talking about this, mostly related to mornings. So when the Patreon community launches in June, I will have a bonus mini episode for you to share with you what I did in the morning for a long time to help myself to wake up in, let's say, a slightly less obnoxious mood. I don't know if I was ever really obnoxious, but I definitely am a night person. So I trained myself to change the way I looked at my day when I got up in the morning.

26:10 And it does not involve bunches and bunches of habits, although I would say, if you are a reader or an audiobook listener, miracle Morning is a great book to read or listen to, but I didn't have an hour extra in the morning or I didn't choose to have it Let me say it that way and I created an affirmation for myself. I created a habit for myself. That's very simple. So make sure you are hanging out with us in the Patreon community. Starting June 1st, you can grab your spot on the waitlist now. Go to CherylPFishercom. Slash midlifepivot and make sure you do that. We are going to have some fun. It's free all summer.

26:51 And then make sure you've hit the follow button, because in our next episode we're talking about eating healthy, but, with a twist, I have a guest joining me who is 79 years old, has authored a healthy cookbook and is really an amazing example for all of us. And in the meantime, keep remembering to slow down, notice what's going on around you, what's going on in your head, and create something amazing.