Is My Memory Failing or Am I Just in Midlife? (Ep. 31)

0:00 In my personal experience, we reach the point in midlife where we might wonder about how our brains are doing and how our memory is doing when we start looking for something that we actually have, and by that I mean looking for your phone to look something up while you're talking to someone on the phone. That's a big one for me. So what if you could make some little tweaks to improve your memory and maybe just generally stop worrying about it so much?

0:40 Let's talk about it. Welcome to Mind your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success. One thought at a time. Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life or feel truly confident in your body. Each week, you'll gain actionable strategies and oh my goodness powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife. This is the Mind your Midlife podcast. It's nerve wracking to think about the next 20, 30, 40 years and wonder are we going to be okay?

1:29 Are our brains going to be okay? I don't let myself really go down that road very often, because I think that, since we don't know what's going to happen, it's really important to enjoy the moment and treat ourselves well. Remember what I always say it's time to treat ourselves a little bit better than we used to. And yet the reality is somewhere in the back of your mind. Potentially you're worried. If I forgot this person's name, or I forget everybody's name, or I forget things I don't write down, or I lose something, almost as if it's not attached to me, then is that a sign of a big, big problem?

2:09 And so I want to talk about memory, because it is possible in midlife that our memory fluctuates and we are a little bit more distractible sometimes and less other times, and we're going to talk about that. There could be hormonal issues, there could be other things going on, and I just want to leave you with the idea that this is not a sign of terrible things to come. It's not Okay. So we're reframing that You're not falling apart. The fact that you can't remember somebody's name or you don't know where your phone is is not meaning that you are starting down the path to dementia.

2:53 It's not Not when we're in our 40s or our 50s. So what does it mean? Where does this come from, if you're really noticing that you're having changes in your memory? I was doing a little digging on this, because for a long time now, I have always said, oh my goodness, if I need to pay someone, I need to pay right now, or I'm going to forget, or if I plan something, I need to write it down. If it is not written down, then forget it. It's not happening. And I don't know if you're the same I'm betting there are a few of us out there that are the same. So I do notice that that is increasing a little bit and I wonder what's really going on.

3:34 So here's what I found out Hormonal shifts. Goodness, aren't hormones responsible for everything in a good way and a bad way? Hormonal shifts that happen in perimenopause and menopause absolutely can impact memory. So we're going to talk about that. The other thing is, it could just be what I think the technical term is cognitive overload. You got a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff going on. You're still working, maybe, and your kids are either in their teen years or they're leaving, both of which are different situations completely. You have aging parents. Maybe you are figuring out what's next, as you have a bit more time in your life, or you feel a bit differently about life and where you're headed.

4:21 That's a lot. It's a lot, and let's remember that, as Gen X, for the most part that's what we are. We didn't grow up with the internet and social media and all the stuff that's going on now. So there is a kind of culture of distraction that our brains didn't see and experience as young as the next few generations, and that has pros and cons to it, for sure, but it's possible that this culture of distraction might hit us particularly. So we're going to talk about all of those. Your brain might need a reset, but you are fine and there are things you can do.

5:01 Okay, that's my theme. I don't want you to get stressed and feel like, oh, it's the end, I've got to go and you know, take pictures of everyone and write their name on the picture, because I'm not going to remember anyone. That's not what we're saying and in fact, there's a lot of power in the words we say about things we're struggling with. So if you are frustrated because you feel distractible, you feel forgetful, saying to yourself over and over oh, I can't ever remember anything. Oh, I don't remember anyone's name. I'm so frustrated, why do I always lose everything? Those become self-fulfilling. So I do very much want you to pay attention to the thoughts in your head, because your brain is going to try to answer questions like that for you and you don't want the answer to why you always lose everything, because it's going to start happening more and more and more.

5:54 Okay, so, careful of your words. But let's circle back. I said hormonal changes. There's a few big ones and these you're going to have heard of before. So estrogen plays a big role in brain health and particularly is important in the hippocampus of the brain, and you don't have to know exactly what that is, but it's the part of our brain that is involved in memory and learning. So when estrogen levels drop, potentially during perimenopause, menopause, then that can lead to a little bit of brain fog, a little bit of forgetfulness. Short term, maybe, difficulty finding the word and my goodness, do I have that?

6:40 I'll be saying what's the word? What's the word? You know when it's like that all the time. So, my, what's the word? Friends, it might be a drop in estrogen. Here's the key. This is not a permanent decline that will never get better. It's a fluctuation of your hormones. So maybe it helps to think okay, recalibrating, not malfunctioning. Hold on to that. Cortisol is the next one, and goodness, we talk about cortisol all the time. Now I have episodes coming on hormone balance and on sleep and I've already done those interviews and I remember them saying cortisol is the reason we wake up in the morning, it's what gets us going, so it has a purpose.

7:26 And at the same time, if we are in chronic stress remember that cognitive overload, career caregiving, relationships, body changes, stress about the future If we're in chronic stress, that increases cortisol in our bodies, bodies, and that affects the prefrontal cortex, part of the brain which is used for decision making and memory. And, interestingly, over time, overloads of cortisol can also shrink the hippocampus that we talked about before. Again, this is not permanent, that I'm stressed.

8:06 So my brain's going to fall apart. If you adopt some stress reducing habits we'll talk about that you can reverse the impact. Okay, nothing is permanent. The other thing that is possible as we get more seasoned in life is that maybe we legitimately can't have quite as many tabs open, let's say, in the brain at the same time. So if you are a multitasker, I am sure someone has told you, and if they haven't, I'm going to tell you right now that multitasking is not really good for us, it's not really good for anyone and we think we're getting all this stuff done. But it is very possible that as we go into our 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, we're not going to be quite as good at juggling many tabs open in our brain and what we think is forgetfulness is maybe just dividing our attention too much or being distracted by the other thing we were trying to do or grab or remember.

9:10 At the same time, your brain might actually be filtering and trying to parse out all those different things, and that's a struggle. So slowing down a little bit and focusing on what we're doing can make a huge difference in that area. Now, if you're struggling with your sleep, there are lots of people out there that can help. I have a sleep episode coming this summer. We can absolutely talk about that, and it is a normal thing that often happens in midlife. It's important to try to keep improving our sleep, because that's when your brain is, I like to say, doing a clean out, but when I looked into this, I actually read that's when your brain is consolidating memories, which makes me think maybe that's related to dreams, but we're not going to go down that path right now.

10:07 So the better sleep you can have, the better for your memory, the better for your brain. Those are all the physical and hormone balancing issues. Let me go back to what I said at the beginning of this episode. Sometimes we're telling ourselves some really negative stuff. If you are telling yourself that this is a sign that you're losing your memory, this is a sign that you're going to end up just like insert name of person who had dementia or whatever then you're going to filter everything you notice in your life through that lens. Your brain is going to be looking for evidence that you are going to end up like great aunt Jane or whoever.

10:51 It's looking for that, because you're telling yourself that this is huge and it's also kind of subtle and you might call this a confirmation bias. So you're looking for evidence to show that what you believe or what you're telling yourself is true. So that's going to shape how you act. It's going to shape what you worry about and that potentially uh-oh, the cortisol is going up. Now memory is getting worse. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if you don't have the story cycle resource already, grab that. Cheryl P Fisher slash story cycle.

11:32 You've heard me say that before. But if you can notice, you can pause. Notice how you're feeling, notice what kind of nonsense is going on in your head and just be aware of that. You can question it, and that's a big deal when we're talking about an area where you might be telling yourself, oh, this is it, this is the end. I can't even remember my old college friend's name. I'm going to be in a home or whatever. You know. We tell ourselves all these crazy things. That's not true. Okay, so what are we going to do about this? I'm telling you why it's happening. I'm telling you this is not right now, in most cases, a sign that you are headed towards dementia or something related to that, and that means maybe there's something we can do to improve our memory, improve our ability to focus, improve your ability to remember what you were doing five seconds ago.

12:34 The first thing is what I was just talking about Be kind to yourself with what you are saying and if you need a substitute for oh, I can't remember everything, I'm going to end up. You know, maybe it's okay. Brain time to reset, or my brain's adapting, it's going to be good, little reset happening. Figure out something you can switch that wording to and then see if you can notice when you do something that really requires brain power and memory. I bet you you've been in conversations with family or friends where you did remember something and they went oh yeah, we often forget that, but I bet it happened.

13:20 Celebrate those things, focus on those things, because that shift of your mindset and your focus is probably one of the most powerful things we can do. Now, what else can we do? Okay, the big ones that you're probably going to hear about in almost every episode, and I am sorry to sound like a broken record Improve your sleep, try whatever works for you, figure it out, not in a stressful ah, figure it out way, but work on it. It's powerful and important. Next, one movement. Even go back two weeks ago.

14:00 Listen to the walking episode. Even if you just do a little bit of movement, that is increasing blood flow to the brain and that supports your memory. It supports your cognitive function. You heard me say that two weeks ago. Even a little bit, and if you like it, if you find something you like, maybe you'll do it even more and even more, because all movement within reason is good for us in terms of about a million different things in midlife. Next one focus on one thing at a time you heard me say multitasking doesn't really work the way we think it does. Your brain wants to focus on something, but there's a lot of noise going on, sometimes inside, sometimes around us.

14:47 The more we can learn how to filter out that noise, the more you're going to remember things. So what is that noise? It's the junk we're telling ourselves in our heads. So we've kind of talked about that. Catch it, see if you can shift it. Get some coaching on that. You can absolutely find out more from me. Maybe you already have a coach. Come join us in the Patreon, shift it. And also, there could be a lot of noise going on outside you Is the TV on and the podcast is on and you're doing the laundry and you're cleaning the kitchen and you got to make dinner and you're helping your kids with their homework.

15:32 That's a lot, that's a lot of input. And I'm not going to tell you not to listen to a podcast, but I am going to tell you one thing at a time, maybe with something in the background to entertain you, not five, six, seven things at a time. Give your brain some space to focus. And sometimes, even though I love music and it's so powerful and of course I love podcasts. Sometimes turning it all off and just giving yourself some quiet and allowing yourself time to reset and rest your body as well as your brain is a good thing too. Now, learning to focus your brain One of the best things you can do is meditation, and I feel like when I say meditation, I could picture your face and you're kind of going really Meditation Really.

16:26 So I'm going to put in the show notes a link to an old, old episode back when the podcast had a different name and everything that I did with a meditation expert and I learned a ton in that episode. Meditation is simply clearing your mind and allowing your brain to rest. Now that's easier said than done, so you might be focusing on one thing that you're looking at as your focal point, or you might be just going one, two, one, two slowly in your brain, or this is where the OM came from. Sometimes it's a word or it's a number that you're focusing on.

17:10 It could even be a Bible verse. Maybe you're out and you're doing a five senses meditation, like we talked about in that episode. The key is you are teaching your brain how to stop all the noise and just focus on either that one thing or just silence, and the thoughts are going to come in. Nobody can sit for 10, 20, 30 minutes and not have thoughts come in. That's okay. Let them go, keep practicing, okay. That is one of the most powerful things you can do for brain function, and I was kind of shocked when I learned that.

17:51 So I think it's worth a try, even if it's a few minutes. I do meditation either when I'm out on a walk, or I do it at night when I'm relaxing my body, and I probably should do it even more, given the. I can't remember what word I want to say situation, given the. I can't remember what word I want to say situation. Now, maybe we better be paying attention to feeding our brains as well. Right, colorful foods are good for your brain Omega-3s, leafy greens, berries. Make sure you're hydrating We've talked about that All those basic things that you know to do if you're taking a little bit better care of yourself. And then I'm going to say that this is the last one, but this is not an all-inclusive list.

18:35 There could be more. My last one for you is to give yourself a challenge, try learning something new. And this is why I started playing Mahjong. Well, it's also because I want to hang out with my friends and play and that's fun, which is also good for your brain. I, on and off, am working on violin. I enjoy puzzles, I'm learning to knit. Maybe you even want to learn a TikTok dance. It doesn't matter what you're learning. Learn how to play. I don't know bridge or cribbage or I can't think of other games people play. All of those things are challenging your brain and that keeps all those synapses firing inside there.

19:17 And if you make it fun bonus points in my book make it fun. Why would we not? Good heavens, we deserve it at this point. So you know that I always tell you I don't want to give you a list of you have to do these 27 new things every morning when you get up. I want it to be a deep adjustment of how I look at this thing. So understand that when you have memory or focus issues in midlife, this is not a permanent sentence. Your brain needs a little TLC and you can come back from that and you can make it better. And I would say, pick something that I talked about that sounds good to you the learning something new, the meditation, slowing down and kind of eliminating the noise getting moving a bit more.

20:10 Pick something and try it, and by all means, do not ever apologize. If you need to write things down, write them down. We have phones in our hand all the time. Have a note, have a calendar, write them down. There's no reason that we should be testing ourselves in that way. Write them down. Don't tell yourself well, I never remember, and yet not give yourself a little bit of help? Okay, part of this is how I want you to look at yourself, as I need a little bit more care, and that's okay. You might need a few rituals too. The keys always go here, the purse always goes there.

20:50 I do that for sure, because then I can grab it when I'm ready and I don't have to think about it. If one day you accidentally put the orange juice in the cabinet, like I once did, because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing and I didn't put it in the refrigerator, just know those things are going to happen. It's okay, you were thinking about something else and we all do that, and the more you practice with being mindful and noticing your surroundings and slowing down and feeding your brain and making sure that you're taking care of your body, the less it's probably going to happen. You absolutely can train your brain. You can support your brain, and I want you to believe that you can that right.

21:37 There is the key. So the OMG moment, midlife memory issues that you might be experiencing are not necessarily signs of decline. They're signals to you that your brain is asking for something. Maybe it's rest, maybe it's better food and nutrition, maybe it's focus and calm, maybe it's just compassion, maybe it's learning something new. Figure out what your brain is asking for. Try a few things. This is not necessarily a sign of decline. So tell me on Instagram, cheryl P Fisher, if you have a memory tip that you love.

22:21 I would love to hear about it. Or you have a win that you've had related to memory and the Midlife Pivot Patreon community is live. I am so excited. Thank you for joining me. Those of you that are already in there go to patreoncom. Slash mindyourmidlife. Grab the Patreon app if you prefer, or use it on a computer at the website if you prefer. You can set up notifications however you prefer. We are going to have a lot of fun there this summer. Come and join me and make sure you've hit the follow button, because next week I have a guest joining me to talk about your second act.

23:04 So have you made a big switch in midlife or are you thinking about it? Does it feel scary or does it feel exciting? We're going to have a conversation about all of that. Can't wait to see what you think and keep remembering midlife is your time to slow down, notice what's around you and what's going on in your head, and create something amazing.