Break Through Limiting Beliefs and Transform your Midlife, with Lisa Andria (Ep. 38)

0:01 One of the reasons that I wanted this podcast to focus on midlife is because there is so's change happening with members of your family parents, kids, maybe even spouse there's change happening with your career, or you're planning for that change. There's change happening with your body. There's just it's kind of coming from everywhere, and so what happens is oftentimes there's a lot of stuff going on in our heads about that change and our brains want to keep us safe.

0:51 So a lot of times this stuff is negative, it's harsh, it's limiting Not all the time, but a lot of times, and so I am excited that this episode is going to lead us down the path of hey, maybe you can transform and maybe you can do more than you think. So let's talk about it. Welcome to Mind your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success, one thought at a time. Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life or feel truly confident in your body.

1:32 Each week, you'll gain actionable strategies and oh my goodness powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife. This is the Mind your Midlife Podcast. And start loving your midlife. This is the Mind your Midlife podcast. I'm not sure you can listen to a podcast about mindset and not hear something about limiting beliefs, and maybe you've heard about limiting beliefs as the thoughts that run around in our heads when we're frustrated about something. Maybe you've heard that a lot of times, these limiting beliefs are formed before we even reach the age of seven, which, goodness, is crazy to think about, isn't it?

2:19 Maybe you have just learned that pausing which is what I work with my clients on and recognizing the emotion you're feeling now and then listening to whatever's in your head, creating that emotion, is a powerful thing. Unfortunately, a lot of times, there's stuff going on inside our heads that keep us from making some pretty powerful changes that we could make in our lives at any point, at any point, and so I'm excited to talk to Lisa Andrea today, who is a transformation coach. She works with women, helping them go from stuck, scared, not sure what to do, to confident, to moving on, to their new challenge or their new passion, and you're going to hear a little bit of her story.

3:12 She also has overcome breast cancer and she's the host of the Ladies who Leap podcast, sharing courageous stories about how people get inspired to leap into a life they love, so you definitely need to check that out. The link will be in the show notes, so I think you're going to love this conversation. Welcome, lisa. Thanks for joining me, thank you for having me. I'm very excited. It's always fun talking to you. Yes, I agree, and if you're listening right now, you may or may not already know that I have been on Lisa's podcast as well, so we just keep doing this over and over. So let's start with kind of a little bit of your story, because you are someone who coaches women on transformation.

3:59 So how did you end up doing this? How did you end up doing this? Well, I was at the time that I started doing this in 2019. I had just retired for the first time after 33 years. Was it 30? No more than that. It was after about 38 years in the telecom industry. So I was in corporate America. I had worked my way up to being an account manager for very large accounts and helping them design and create and selling them the networks that connected all of their data, and in some of that period, I actually worked with wireless carriers connecting and creating their.

4:41 That was fun. When wireless and wireless phones were new, I was part of that whole renaissance, I guess, with phones being on everybody's pocket and everything. In fact, there was a period, I have to say, when people we realized that they were going to start making the data networks able to send pictures on your phones and all of us were like who would need that? I know the things we've said. It's good that we weren't the visionaries in there, because we couldn't imagine why would people want to send it and have pictures on their phones? Okay so, and I retired from there and then after 33 years, and then spent another several years working in a couple different companies and at some point I literally left the last job crying, and I was in my early 50s and I said this is ridiculous.

5:33 And I realized how stressed I was and how I was not doing what my initial calling was, what I was meant to do in this life. So I told my financial advisor find me money and I need to take some time off and I need to reinvent myself. And that's exactly what I did. And through that period of that six months, which was really still on the precipice of the beginning of my own transformation, I said I want to help other women do the same thing, so let me write about it, let me figure this out and journal my journey or write about my journey or blog about it. I didn't realize what else was available at that time, and then I could help others.

6:13 Well, then I was talking to someone and they said well, you've been a mentor, you've helped your friends, why don't you do life coaching? And I said what the heck is that. I had no idea what it was. I found out through interviewing some friends. I actually started what they didn't call it a podcast at the time. I was just interviewing them because I always wanted and everything about them and how. I didn't realize at that moment. But storytelling and hearing other people's stories is what motivates and inspires us.

6:59 Yeah, after the six months but I downgraded not degraded downgraded myself to more of a support role to help with my own emotional issues. With that. You know, having sales, it's very, very stressful and so I took away some of that stress and it really helped was a lot less money, so that was a little bit I get used to, but my emotional well-being was being served better. And I stayed another four years and then finally fully retired in December of 2022 and started full-time doing my coaching work. And that's where Ladies who Leap came from and the Transformation Coach part came from. I reinvented even my own coaching at that time, because you can always shift and reinvent yourself.

7:45 Yeah, oh my goodness and I have reinvented even my own coaching at that time because you can always shift and reinvent yourself. Yeah, oh, my goodness, and I have reinvented myself many times, as you know. So, yes, you can always reinvent yourself and there's not ever a time that it's wrong to do that because you messed up or whatever all the stuff we tell ourselves. You know Something that stuck out to me when you were telling us? That is that you, right away, even in those first six months, were already thinking about how can I share this with other people? I think that's very interesting because I think sometimes when we're going through something, we're kind of folded in on ourselves trying to figure it out, which is completely valid, but it's interesting that you were already thinking how can I help?

8:27 Well, you know, I went many years earlier. My mom went through quite a few years of three different kinds of cancer and at that time. It was just like this website thing and it was a blog, and I put it together so that I could share with the rest of the country, because she had friends and family all over the place all about her journey. This is what's happening now. This is what the family's doing. This is how she's feeling, and my writing actually was helpful. I got a lot of friends that started reading it. That didn't even know my mom, but they felt that just my writing about that journey helped them in some way and I remembered that. So when I came to the point where I knew I was going through a whole nother, journey it was different than my mom's journey, but that I had something to share about that.

9:13 I thought I want to help other people through what I'm experiencing. So that's where that came from. That was where it was birthed from. Yeah, I love that. It's powerful because you are absolutely right and I've learned this through podcasting we really resonate with other people's stories and we hear things out of that that make a difference for us, and maybe the stories just hold our attention more than someone just kind of telling us what to do. Maybe that's part of it, too. Well, yeah, and when you hear someone say I went through this journey, this is what I learned from my journey, you're getting some insight and also some inspiration and courage from somebody else going through the same thing, because most of us go through, especially women.

9:57 We go through reinventing ourselves, rediscovering ourselves right, transforming ourselves, finding what is going to make our life much more fulfilling, how to love ourselves more all of those things. It's a universal language for women, I believe, and so when you can share other women's stories or your own story to help others, it to me that's, that's the whole reason to do this. I agree 100%. So let's dive into this a little bit more deeply. And I think the interesting thing about midlife and a guest asked me recently well, how do you define midlife, I don't know like mid 40s to mid 60s?

10:42 I don't know. I'm not the official definer of midlife, but somewhere around that period of time, we, because there are so many changes happening, no matter what your life looks like, whether you have kids, whether you have a spouse, whether you have a job, whether you live here, there or anywhere, there are so many changes happening in our lives and our bodies. At that point, I think that clearly it must be. The vast majority of us end up thinking about this in some way, like now I have more time, or now I still want to feel good, and I'm not sure I feel good, or whatever it is.

11:23 And one thing we hit on when we start rethinking things is limiting beliefs. So tell us a little bit more about limiting beliefs and then also, maybe let's walk down the path of what we can do about this. So I do want to say that limiting beliefs happen throughout your entire lifetime. Yeah, it is when you become or want to transform yourself that they become more. You become more aware of them, you know right. So it's really the negative self talk thoughts that are either conscious or many of them are even unconscious, and they're caused by events in your past, whether it be before you're seven years old, or it's passed down through generations, and your beliefs about yourself are affected by these events or what people have said to you, and I don't think you even realize where they necessarily came from, but they continually.

12:26 It's almost like this track that keeps going on and over and over in your head and when you decide, okay, I want to live my life for myself, I want to change the direction or the trajectory of my life, I am either empty nesting, or I'm retiring, or I'm changing my career because I'm very unhappy and burnt out from my previous career. It's usually you're right around that 40, 40 plus that we start thinking about ourselves more than others, and it's not selfish to do that. I want to say that right off the bat. Right, it is something that all women should do, because as you do that for yourself. You're actually giving the playbook and improving the relationship with your children, with your husband or partner or your friends or your parents.

13:14 You're giving them the playbook to say okay, I am listening to myself and I want to change that negative self-talk, that negative self-talk. I have a thing that I made up and it just came out, I don't know several months ago, where, when you become conscious of it, because the first thing you have to do is know when it's happening and you hear yourself saying I'm not pretty enough, I'm not worthy enough, I can't do this. All those bad words, right, the negative don't not. No, try all those types of words that you out loud or in your head and I do it even for myself say plug the hose, because it's literally an open hose spewing it out, and it's a lot of times it's really hard to stop it.

13:56 It just keeps coming out and it can lead to you getting that. Self-doubt, leads to imposter syndrome, it leads to depression sometimes and just holing up in your house because you feel like you really have nothing to live for and who cares about your dreams. You're never going to accomplish anything. You know you've got these thoughts. They're just so negative in your head. And if you start recognizing them and becoming aware of them and saying plug the hose and then take that negative thought and switch it up on its completely on its side to make it positive, write down the positive and start saying that to yourself consciously every day, make it a positive affirmation, it's one of the steps that can at least let you know when it's happening.

14:39 Yeah, I love plug the hose. I love it makes me laugh a little bit, which is easier to remember too. Yeah, because one of the things that I mean you're right, there are times when we can just pause for a minute and realize that in our head is going you always this, or you never that, or blah, blah. Be an example we keep sort of getting a certain way in a project or a job and then never getting past that and we don't understand why, and sometimes they're very sneaky.

15:20 You know, I have to say, doing this alone is difficult. I don't want anyone to think that there's an easy answer to this. It is in your head, it is in your unconscious mind and your unconscious mind has a prime directive. It keeps all of your organs moving and things like that. But it takes the easiest path and if you have put in your head that this is a belief that you have, this limiting belief is something that you have, you're going to, it's going to continue to perpetuate that because it's the easy path To break that limiting belief. Break it up and remove it and release it is difficult, and so your unconscious mind doesn't necessarily want to release it and let it go because it believes it's serving you.

16:03 You keep saying that to yourself. It believes that that's what you want in your life, so it's going to continue to perpetrate it. So that's when getting help, and either it is by reading the self-help books about this, by actually getting a coach who has the tools. In my case, I use a breakthrough session with mental and emotional release. It's an NLP neuro-linguistic programming. It's an actual technique used to go into your unconscious mind and release those events right up until now, and so it releases the negative emotions that are associated with it and the limiting beliefs. So there is ways to do it. It is not easy to do it by yourself.

16:43 I'm going to be and I hate to say that because I know that not everybody can have a coach but read books about it, Make it, make yourself understand. And one other thing if you get to a point, just like you said, where you're trying to do something and you keep getting stuck and you know it's in your own head, ask yourself so really, what really could go wrong if I try and do this, I completely don't even think about what can go wrong, what realistically could happen, because I have this quote that I wrote it's confidence is knowing that nothing you do will ruin everything, because that's what everybody feels it's all going to ruin everything.

17:26 But doing nothing will ruin your confidence ruin everything, but doing nothing will ruin your confidence. Yes, I mean immediately. It feels calming. Nothing we can do will ruin everything. And these all or nothing words, I think, are very dangerous. We want to avoid them if we possibly can, because, if I may use an all or nothing word, they're almost never true. Exactly. They're based on things that aren't really realistic and you keep thinking well, I can't try that because I don't know what I'm doing. Well, of course you don't know what you're doing, it's something new. And, yes, allow yourself to be uncomfortable to challenge yourself to do something new. It's going to be uncomfortable, but guess what?

18:07 When you're uncomfortable about something, it means you're growing. And, boy, every successful person you can ask any successful person, how many times did you fail? I failed a lot, and every single time they failed, they took it as a lesson learned. Okay, I'm not going to do it this way anymore. I'm going to shift it. I'm going to do it a different way so that I can keep getting to the point where now I don't fail and thinking of yourself as having the ability to not fail and I hate using the word not, but to succeed. If you believe that you can succeed in this, really saying I can do this, I know I can do this, that will help you to take that first step and to overcome being uncomfortable.

18:52 I mean, when you spoke in front of people for the first time, most people were very, very scared and so you're shaking, but you did it and you got compliments. I know that everybody that's listening did that. When you finally got the courage to do it, you got the compliments, even though I remember when I first sang for the first time and somebody came up to me afterwards and they said, oh, you sing really well. I turned to look behind my I said, oh, who are they talking to? No, they were talking to me, and so that's what the limiting beliefs are all about, right, you don't think that you can't even accept someone giving you a compliment because you have that limiting belief that's blocking it.

19:32 Yeah, one of my favorite sayings to keep in mind related to this is that I can figure it out, I'll figure it out, somehow I'll figure it out, and to me that that helps too, because we can figure it out somehow like we can. Okay, so I don't want to get us too off track, but I it occurs to me that when you mentioned neuro linguistic program, or, if I could say it, neuro linguistic programming, that is something that I think probably a lot of people have heard of but have no idea what you're saying and what it is. So I don't know, is there an easy way you could just kind of explain a little bit? Yeah, so it is.

20:14 There's a lot to it and understanding that your unconscious mind is actually the driver in a lot of your decision-making, behavior, beliefs, values, because it processes 2 million bits per second, whereas your conscious mind processes 126 bits per second. So that doesn't tell you a lot. It's like, almost like I say it's equated to the supercomputer unconscious mind as opposed to the, and I may be talking to well, this is midlife, so you understand the dial-up as opposed to the dial-up computer. It's making these decisions for you. It's information that's stored that is not necessarily conscious to you, and what neuro-linguistic programming does is speaks to that unconscious mind and what words you say and what words you think, and how it affects how your unconscious mind reacts and the behaviors that you make.

21:11 So I mean a very simple way of looking at it, because it's very. It can be very complex and the training is very intense but also gets to the point and the root of your problem much more quickly than I'm going to say, than therapy, and then speaking about it for a long period of time. But it's almost like I mean it's in a way, when you talk to someone and you say don't do this, your unconscious mind doesn't hear the word don't, it hears the do this. So in a way, let's say you have children and you tell them don't do this. They hear do this and they do it. And you know it's happened. It's happened a bunch of times. So you have to change your linguistics.

21:53 That's where the linguistics part of it, right Neuro, neurobrain linguistics, what you're saying and thinking, programming. So it's reprogramming your unconscious mind to be able to overcome all the limiting beliefs and negative emotions and negative behaviors that you have, simply by talking to it in a way that it understands. That's really fascinating. I love all brain science, I'm just fascinated. And I never realized how much I loved it until I was trained in it and I experienced it in many ways and found the tools and have them and I'm ever learning about it even more every day. I mean, you go through the training but you don't use everything all the time and so each time you use it on someone that you know, this is like reframing.

22:39 Somebody says they have a limiting belief and you can change how they believe about it by reframing that particular thought and belief by reframing that particular thought and belief. I think it's very interesting that some of us have this story that people who are more successful than us don't have time for us or we are bothering them when we ask for advice and I will say that I read this somewhere and I wish I remembered where, but I have no idea, and it has. It has been true for me that most women and this is probably most people as well, but most women who are more successful in however we define that or whatever we're going for are happy to help because they probably had help and they want to give back.

23:35 They want to pay it forward or back, whichever way. That is so the majority, I think, are happy to do exactly what you're describing. Definitely. I mean, I see, and it took. I'll be honest, you know, it took me many years to ask for any kind of help, even on a personal basis, but I finally realized that when I help others, I love it, it's a gift to me. I really enjoy helping others. So when you allow someone else to help you, you're giving them a gift Every. I mean. I'll tell you there's. I don't know what the percentage would be if we were to ask people, but I would say most women, most people, want to be able to lift someone else up.

24:15 If they don't, then that's a problem and a limiting belief that they have, and you may not even want to have a conversation with them. So the ones that want to help you are the ones that are coming truly from their heart, have a sense of compassion, and that's who you want to communicate with and get your help from. Yeah, yeah, and I do a lot of women's networking groups and that sort of thing too, and I think it's worthwhile for anyone. If you're listening, you know, just give it a look whether it's Meetup or the Chamber of Commerce or, you know, the Mahjong group, whatever. There's people out there for sure. Yeah, and I mean, don't think that, oh well, I'm not anywhere that I want to be, so what would they find interesting about me?

24:59 No, you are who you are. You're a unique being. You are where you are in life and, as long as you're in a group, that's welcoming, and so you, of course, will be able to get that feeling as soon as you join or you get involved. Most of the time, those folks want to help you raise you up. They want to help raise you up. They want to make you feel very wanted and calm and clear and a part of a community. It doesn't matter where you're at. It doesn't matter. We've all been at the starting point. Yes, and I actually had a friend say to me one time when I was thinking about being a coach, and I was thinking about being a podcaster, and I was like, who am I to do this?

25:42 And she said, well, you're in your fifties, so clearly you've been really successful in life. And I was like, how have I been successful in life? And she said, getting to your 50s, there's been a lot of success. I'm sure, and it's true, that's true for everybody. Yeah, See, I also wrote this down, I'm just thinking about it. Today, most of us focus on the negative thoughts and the things that we can't we feel we can't do, and we don't focus on the things that and so as, especially women, we need to focus on I can do this well and I can do that well and I have succeeded and I've accomplished this.

26:24 That's what we need to focus on, that that's what's important for us to focus on and then, using maybe a gratitude journal or just journaling about the good things that happened to you, reading them to remind yourself, writing down all the accomplishments you've made in your life, and reading it and really digesting it and believing it. That's part of the journey and part of transforming yourself. Yeah, I agree. Before we get to the last question, how, if somebody is curious about what you're talking about and what you do and what you help people with, how can they find you and connect with you? So I am ladieswholeap, that's L-E-A-P at the end. So, ladieswholeapcom, it's my website.

27:06 You can get to my podcast. You can get to all my social media links. You can understand what I do. You can click the little button let's connect and we can talk. That's really the best way to get ahold of me and I'll have that in the show notes. So absolutely go check it out for sure and definitely find your, find, find, your, find her. Who am I talking to right now? If you're listening, definitely find her podcast ladies who leave. I love it. Okay, so now I want to make sure that, after half an hour of an amazing conversation, that people can finish this episode and say, oh, let me just make sure to remember that one thing.

27:47 What do you think is kind of the OMG? I have to take this away from this conversation. Most important thing for somebody to remember Trust yourself. Trust your own instincts, your own empowerment, your own skill set, your own intelligence, trust yourself and trust your higher power and universe, because I believe that when you know your why, what you want to do, and why the universe, your higher power, will give you your how, so trust in that it's a big deal. Yeah, yeah, I love that, and I probably would say that if someone asked me the question. I just asked you.

28:28 So fantastic. Well, lisa, thank you so much for joining us. I know people are going to take away a lot from this. Wonderful. I love being able to help other women shine. I don't know if you noticed, but Lisa is not the only guest who has said that. Their OMG moment that we want you to remember is to trust yourself, and whether you think about it from the angle of trusting your gut, trusting your intuition, or just trusting, once you make a decision, that you should follow through with that decision because you made it and you know what you want and need, or whether you think about it from a faith perspective, trusting what you've been just kind of feeling strongly about and reaching for Trust yourself.

29:16 I just love that as a wrap up moment for us. Today. Now, lisa and I sat down for an extra little conversation about her dream method that she uses to help women who are trying to figure out what's next. How do I do it? How do I figure it out? How do I make that leap? So you will love that. If you're not already part of the Patreon community, go to patreoncom. Slash mind your midlife. It's completely free. All summer, you can participate in the monthly zoom call with me, you can hear the extra bonus material and interviews, and I think you'll love it. So I will see you over there and make sure you've hit the follow button on your favorite podcast app, because next week we are going to be talking about something that is such an issue for so many of us.

30:10 You heard Lisa say trust yourself. Why do we have such a problem with that? Let's talk about the comparison trap Because, even if you don't realize it, you and I we're comparing ourselves to a lot of people a lot of the time and we're often seeing that we come up short and that's not even really true. So I'll see you then. In the meantime, slow down, notice what's going on in your head and what's going on around you and let's create something amazing. Slow down, notice what's going on in your head and what's going on around you and let's create something amazing.