Jan. 9, 2026
66. Stop Sabotaging Your Sucess and Create Goals that Last in Midlife
Are you a woman over 40 who started January strong but is already feeling the motivation slip? You’re NOT alone. In fact, by the second week of February, nearly 80% of resolutions have been abandoned.
In this episode of Mind Your Midlife, I’m getting real about my own struggle to stick to a simple 10-minute yoga routine and breaking down the psychology behind why we quit.
If you are ready to stop beating yourself up for falling off the wagon — and want to learn how to actually stay on it — this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn:
✔ The Pain vs. Pleasure Principle: Why your brain prioritizes immediate comfort over long-term reward
✔ Why "All or Nothing" thinking causes a total system failure when trying to build new habits
✔ The Identity Shift: Why you must believe you are the "type of person" who does the thing before you can successfully do it
✔ Why every midlife woman needs to add a "Fun Goal" to her list this year
🎯 OMG Moment:
You cannot outperform your self-image. You have to change the belief to change the behavior.
Take Action Today:
- Listen to episode 65 on money goals and our upper limit problem
- Enter the One-Year Anniversary Giveaway! Rate and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify, share an episode on social, and DM the screenshot to @CherylPFischer on Instagram to win AirPods or an Amazon Gift Card. Deadline Jan 31, 2026. This is an independent promotion not sponsored by Buzzsprout, Apple, Spotify, or Instagram.
- Have a laught with the menopause quiz at cherylpfischer.com/menopausequiz.
- Set up a free chat with me to see whether coaching is a fit for you: cherylpfischer.com/coaching.
Why This Episode Matters
Midlife is already full of challenges—from health changes to family stress. We often make goals that add pressure rather than value. By understanding how your brain works, you can stop the cycle of starting and stopping, and finally create changes that feel good now, not just in the future.
Take just a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.
**Find bonus episodes by subscribing where you find Mind Your Midlife on Apple podcasts - or go to cherylpfischer.com/bonusepisodes.
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want menopause support, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transitions?
- Build a mindset for success with the private bonus episodes!
- Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching
Let’s talk midlife body positivity, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.
Connect with Cheryl, Midlife Coach: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website
00:00 - Rethinking New Year’s Resolutions
01:13 - The 80% Drop-Off And A Yoga Confession
03:30 - One-Year Anniversary And Giveaway Details
06:48 - It’s Not Laziness: Pain Versus Pleasure
10:40 - When Avoiding Greater Pain Finally Moves Us
12:47 - The All-Or-Nothing Trap
15:56 - Identity Drives Behavior
19:33 - How To Rewire Beliefs That Block Change
21:57 - Make Goals Immediate, Small, And Rewarding
24:13 - Accountability, Community, And Adding Fun
26:53 - Giveaway Reminder And What’s Next
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We are barely into January as this episode is coming out.
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And that means whether or not this is your focus, you have at least thought about New Year's resolutions.
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Now, if you and I are connected on social media, and if we're not, find me at Cheryl P.
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Fisher and let's be connected.
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But if we're connected, you will have seen me say before that I am not a huge fan of New Year's resolutions.
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However, that doesn't mean it's not a good thing to make a goal or figure out where we're headed.
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So let's talk about it.
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Welcome to Mind Your Midlife, your go-to resource for confidence and success, one thought at a time.
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Unlike most advice out there, we believe that simply telling you to believe in yourself or change your habits isn't enough to wake up excited about life or feel truly confident in your body.
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Each week, you'll gain actionable strategies and, oh my goodness, powerful insights to stop feeling stuck and start loving your midlife.
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This is the Mind Your Midlife podcast.
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I went and Googled, just for a quick second, some data about New Year's resolutions.
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And I don't know how accurate this is, but it's okay.
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I found that by the second week of February, and of course that's still a month from now, roughly the internet says 80% of resolutions made at the beginning of January have been abandoned.
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80%.
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Now I can tell you that I already have fallen into this trap because I decided I have a program that uh I purchased online that has little 10-minute yoga workouts.
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Well, I don't know why I'm struggling for the word workout.
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It has little 10-minute yoga workouts and it's for women in their 40s, 50s, whatever, 60s age group, and to help stretch and work on mobility and strengthen because all of that is really important.
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So at the end of December, I said to myself, you know what?
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I'm really gonna use that every morning more consistently.
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I've of course used it before and I know it's good, but I'm really gonna do it.
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Every morning, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna do that right away.
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It's 10 minutes, of course I can do it.
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And I am so sorry to say that as of about a week into January, I have done it zero times.
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So we are not getting very far with that particular resolution.
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Now, does that mean that I should just trash the whole thing?
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Of course, it doesn't mean that.
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It does tell me that I have gone awry in the way I made that goal, in what I resolved to do.
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And so today I want to share with you how and why that happens.
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Why don't we follow through?
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Because so many of us don't follow through.
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And whether it's a New Year's resolution or it's a goal you made for yourself in a sport or fitness or a business or a job, so many of us don't follow through.
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Now, before we get into that though, I have to say something that is very exciting.
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It is exactly a year this week since Mind Your Midlife launched.
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I cannot believe it.
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I insert exciting music here.
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I cannot believe it.
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It is a year.
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This is our one-year anniversary.
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More, it's been uh 66 episodes, so more than weekly.
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Threw a few extras in for you along the way.
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And it has been an exciting year.
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Oh my goodness.
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I am so grateful for you listening.
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I'm so grateful for those of you that have not only listened but also joined me as a guest on the podcast.
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I am so grateful for those of you who have shared episodes with your friends, told them they needed to listen, told them you learned something from it.
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Amazing.
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I am so grateful.
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I hope you keep listening.
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And I have a little surprise for you.
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So this month we're gonna do a little happy one-year anniversary for Mind Your Midlife.
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And I would love to give away both a new pair of AirPods, I mean, for your listening, right?
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And an Amazon gift card, first and second prize, to someone who does one of these things.
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And you can do more of them for more entries.
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So have you rated and reviewed Mind Your Bid Life in Apple Podcasts?
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If you haven't, go and do it, take a screenshot of the screen, and I want you to find me on Instagram, Cheryl P.
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Fisher, and send me a DM with your screenshot.
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Okay.
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Have you rated the podcast on Spotify?
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Hit the five stars, take a screenshot, send me a DM on Instagram, Cheryl P.
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Fisher.
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Have you shared an episode with a friend?
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Do it again.
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Sometime this month, sometime in January of 2026, post about an episode, tag me, or if you can't tag me, screenshot it.
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DM me on Instagram, Cheryl P.
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Fisher, and I will enter you into the giveaway.
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I am so excited.
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If you are a subscriber to the private podcast, or if you are a subscriber to my email newsletter, you're gonna hear all about this as well.
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If you're not a subscriber to my email newsletter, why don't you just for kicks go to CherylpFisher.com/slash menopause quiz and take the fun and silly little quiz, and then I'll put you on the email list as well, and then you'll get all the information.
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So I had to go off topic there for a second because one year so exciting.
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I cannot wait to give away these prizes.
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Thank you so much for supporting the podcast and getting the word out because almost every single episode someone sends me a message and says, That changed the way I think about something, or this episode made me realize that I want to blank something, and I just can't even tell you how good that feels.
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It's amazing.
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So thank you.
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All right, back to our regular scheduled discussion.
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We are talking about why we don't stick with things.
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I don't want to tell you anything that is commonly the way we beat ourselves up.
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Not that I don't want to, they're not real.
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So often we tell ourselves that we are lazy, so of course we're not going to stick with it, or you know, we don't know enough, or we don't have time.
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All those things are excuses.
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There is a real important piece going on in your mind, really more than one piece.
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And so, what we need to do, and this is mind your midlife after all, is you need to kind of go behind the curtain and see it's not because you're lazy, it's not because you ran out of time, that is not why you're not following through on whatever you said you were gonna do.
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It's in it's in our minds.
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And the first thing that I want you to take away from this, I'm gonna try to remember to number them for those of you who like that.
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The first thing is that what drives us to take action is avoiding pain or seeking pleasure.
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So, like the carrot and the stick, if you've heard that saying, every person is motivated to take action because we want to avoid pain or we want to have pleasure.
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And so what happens is sometimes in our brains we sort of make a miscalculation here and we get stuck in right now, and we sort of forget about the delayed gratification part.
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And here's what I mean by that.
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If you say that this year, it doesn't even have to be year, this month, whatever, at this age, I'm going to get fit.
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Kind of like I said with my I'm gonna do this 10 minutes of yoga every day.
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Your pleasure that you are hoping to gain is either being able to move well or feeling good about yourself or feeling good about how you look in your clothes, right?
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It's some sort of physical looks and strength and health-related thing.
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That's a pleasure that you want.
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So you've made this goal, that's where you're headed, is to get that pleasure.
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But that's a delayed pleasure.
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If you are going to eat healthy and you are going to exercise, when you actually go to the gym in the winter or want to take a walk in the winter or in the heat, or you have to make dinner and it takes longer because you're trying to eat healthy, there is immediate pain involved.
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And maybe even literally, if you're sore because you just started exercising, could be that too.
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So I know I want this long-term pleasure from saying I want to get fit, but there's immediate pain and immediate pain and immediate pain and immediate pain, and it is an equal motivator to avoid that pain.
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So if you're getting out of a warm bed or you're getting off of the couch, or you're rushing home from work just to do more work and cook this healthy meal, your brain's gonna try to get you out of it.
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And it is not because you're lazy, it's because that is a change to what you're doing, and it's not a change that your brain is finding any pleasure in.
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So sometimes we get stuck in the immediate desire to avoid that pain, and we're not able to focus on, yeah, there is pleasure, that's the reason I made this goal, but it's too far out there in the future.
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And so the way that we can get over that, because you're probably thinking, well, then I'm just never gonna do anything because I'd rather be on the couch in my Snuggie than do anything else.
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So what happens is eventually the pain of not doing the thing, not taking the action toward the goal, is worse than the pain of making the change and doing what you have to do.
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So even though the goal is this delayed pleasure, and I have this immediate annoyance, gotta get out of bed, gotta cook more, whatever.
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Eventually, the pain of not doing any of this outweighs.
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And unfortunately, a lot of times this is a health scare.
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So imagine, you know, we we said we were gonna exercise, we said we were gonna eat healthier because we want to be in shape and look good in our clothes and feel good about our bodies and midlife, blah, blah, blah.
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But we don't do it.
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We we don't feel like getting up, it's cold outside.
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Eventually, there's probably, unfortunately, going to be a health reason that becomes somewhat overpowering and takes over.
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So the fact that you are now avoiding some type of chronic disease, and now you're forced to do it, means that's even a bigger pain.
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So now I'll do it.
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I don't know if I explain that super well.
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But the pain of not doing it, when it becomes bigger than the pain of doing it, then okay, we will.
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You will, most of the time we will.
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Because now that pain of this health scare, this disease, has outweighed the having to get out of the bed and wanting to have the immediate pleasure of eating comfort food.
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And so we're always balancing this, is what I'm saying.
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And we need to be really smart about how we make a goal so that the immediate pain or pleasure doesn't take over versus the long-term pain or pleasure.
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Because a goal, sort of by definition, is usually related to long-term avoidance of pain or or gaining pleasure.
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Now, the other thing that sometimes happens, and this is particularly a New Year's resolution thing, but it could be other periods of time, is we go all or nothing.
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And if you have ever said, Well, I guess I'll have more dessert.
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I've wrecked the day now when you're trying to eat healthy, or have another drink, or forget it, I'll just eat the chips.
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I already ate the whatever, or I didn't exercise most of this week, I'll just start again next week.
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If you've said to yourself, I'll start again tomorrow, or Monday, or next month, that's what this is.
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There is a cognitive distortion that happens when we try to go all or nothing.
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And you have a limited amount of energy, you do have a limited amount of time, even though I don't want us to be using that as an excuse.
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You trying to change everything at once, it leads to a sort of system failure.
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You you can't change it all.
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And when one thing falls, you may throw it all out.
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Okay, so that's number two.
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When we try to go all or nothing, we sort of set ourselves up for failure.
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Overhauling your entire life at one time is not going to work.
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Pick one or two things that you can focus on.
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And the you know what the cool thing about that is a lot of times you're gonna learn lessons or gain confidence or change the way you make decisions and think, and it is going to affect some of the other areas.
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But you have to start with one or two, otherwise it's you're the system's gonna crash.
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And the third thing, and and this is this is this is a really big one.
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We can say whatever we want to say about what we're gonna do in the new year, the new month, the new week, whatever.
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And if we still see ourselves as our current state, it's not gonna happen.
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So our self-identity, our self-image is directing all of this.
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So while I say this is number three on the list, really this really is underscoring everything to a certain extent.
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You have a self-image, a self-identity, and that is who you believe you are.
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I worked with a coach from the UK, and I feel like she always said, What sort of person you believe you are?
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I like that saying.
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You have an opinion about yourself and your ability to do this or that, your skill related to this or that, your lack of skill related to this or that, how you look, what size you wear, what interactions you enjoy, what people you like, what people like you, you have an opinion on all of that.
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And maybe not even an opinion, you have a belief inside your subconscious brain on all of that.
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That is your self-image or your self-identity.
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And so apparently, to go back to my 10 minutes of yoga example, I do not at this moment identify as someone who does yoga every day.
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I don't, and that's accurate because I'm not, and I will not ever be someone who does yoga every day until I believe that I am.
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I'm gonna say that again.
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The first or at least at the same time thing that has to happen is I have to believe that I am the sort of person who does this.
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You have to believe that you are the person, the type of person, the kind of person who does this, who can do this, who is good at this.
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That has to happen either first or at the same time as actual behavior change.
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Because your thoughts are in your head creating emotion, which is directing your action.
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So if I don't believe, which clearly I don't, that I am a daily yoga doer, then I am not gonna do daily yoga.
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No matter how many posters I put on the wall, no matter how many sticky notes I put, no how many affirmations I do, none of it.
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It doesn't matter.
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I'm not gonna do it.
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I might do it a little bit, but I'm not gonna stick with it.
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This has a lot of application for, well, shoot, it has a lot of application for everything in life, but it has a lot of application that we can really see and maybe understand for ourselves with weight loss.
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And you might have heard me say before that way back when, easily 18 to 20 years ago, when I was trying to lose weight, my sister said to me, This was before I thought personal development was worthwhile in any way, by the way, you have to have a picture of yourself in your mind, or you won't be successful.
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And I was like, I don't know about that, that seems silly.
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Uh, guess what?
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She was right.
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You have to believe in your mind that you are the person who is fit, you are the person who weighs X amount that you want to weigh.
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You are the person who wears X size, you are the person who has a business with X income.
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And if the numbers kind of stress you out, it doesn't have to be about a number.
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It can be about you are the person who has a business that you are so proud of and is growing quickly.
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It's okay that it's a little more vague if numbers stress you out, and they they do that to me a little bit.
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So I've been there.
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But if I say to myself, this is where we fall into a trap with affirmations where we kind of think they don't work, if I say my business is doubling this year, I'm affirming it, my business is doubling this year, my business is doubling this year, but if inside my head, I don't really believe that, that doubt is gonna take me out.
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That's a Jerry Royzentl phrase, I should quote him.
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That doubt is gonna take me out.
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That doubt is gonna take you out.
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Because if you don't believe that you are the type of person who can do, does, is, X, you're not gonna do it.
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You're gonna either make a lot of strides towards it and then self-sabotage, and that's the upper limit.
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Go back and listen to last week's episode with Denise Duffield Thomas.
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We talked about the upper limit, I'll put it in the show notes.
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It's episode 65.
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That is gonna happen.
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Or you may never never even get started because it's just so you can't, you just can't reconcile doing the thing versus I don't believe I'm the type of person who does this thing.
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You just can't do it.
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It starts inside, and so you.
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Might be thinking to yourself, well, that's all well and good, but then how the heck am I supposed to change it?
00:20:52.750 --> 00:20:57.309
What action would I do if I need to change what I believe inside?
00:20:57.549 --> 00:20:59.630
Okay, I have a couple of ideas for you.
00:20:59.950 --> 00:21:05.710
And clearly, I haven't solved this for myself because I still am not doing the yoga every day.
00:21:06.029 --> 00:21:08.590
But I I feel like I think I might get there.
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I feel like the desire is there.
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I know it feels good.
00:21:12.590 --> 00:21:27.789
So what we need to do is either change how we believe about our what we believe about ourselves, and we can do that with sort of pattern interrupters like tapping, like affirmations.
00:21:27.950 --> 00:21:30.110
You can work with a coach to do that.
00:21:30.430 --> 00:21:34.910
Retraining your subconscious brain, it takes repetition and it takes emotion.
00:21:35.230 --> 00:21:36.910
Hypnosis will do it.
00:21:37.309 --> 00:21:43.309
Repetition and emotion is how we retrain our subconscious brain's beliefs.
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So that's one thing.
00:21:44.430 --> 00:21:50.269
And I would really encourage you, reach out to me, certainly through Cherylpfisher.com/slash coaching.
00:21:50.350 --> 00:21:55.789
You can make a free chat on my calendar, we can talk about it, but I would encourage you to look into that.
00:21:56.110 --> 00:22:14.350
Second thing, I want you to find a way, and this is what I'm going to work on with my yoga goal, to refocus your goal so that it is a really powerful good thing that you are trying to make happen.
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That really you feel it.
00:22:16.990 --> 00:22:19.789
Like this yoga thing, why do I like it?
00:22:19.870 --> 00:22:24.830
Well, I want to build my strength, but I do go to bar class already and I do walk.
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I should do it more, whatever.
00:22:26.670 --> 00:22:28.509
I'm not going to show it on myself.
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But the flexibility and strength that I know I could get from doing this, it will build over time.
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I know this.
00:22:36.590 --> 00:22:42.670
I also know that after I do this little 10-minute workout, I feel different.
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My joints feel, how would I even describe it?
00:22:46.750 --> 00:22:50.190
I think we women in midlife are gonna know what I mean.
00:22:50.269 --> 00:22:58.269
It feels like stretched and a touch sore, but like good sore, you know, like I don't know how to describe it, but good sore is what I'm gonna have to go with.
00:22:58.509 --> 00:23:00.029
I like that feeling.
00:23:00.350 --> 00:23:03.549
So I need to hold on to that feeling.
00:23:03.710 --> 00:23:06.590
That is immediate reward and pleasure.
00:23:06.750 --> 00:23:17.549
So if I can hold on to that feeling and say, I want to feel like that every morning, or maybe I want to feel like that on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, whatever.
00:23:17.630 --> 00:23:18.590
Whatever works for you.
00:23:18.670 --> 00:23:21.069
It doesn't have to be, you know, exactly like mine.
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Find a way for an immediate reward in little pieces.
00:23:26.990 --> 00:23:35.309
If you can make it little pieces and you can attach an immediate reward, your brain's not gonna resist you quite as much.
00:23:35.549 --> 00:23:38.509
Let's say you're trying to start a meditation practice.
00:23:38.830 --> 00:23:39.950
So good for you.
00:23:40.110 --> 00:23:42.269
Goodness, so good for you.
00:23:42.590 --> 00:23:46.269
I meditate in little short bursts sporadically.
00:23:46.509 --> 00:23:49.470
Not super great about it, do know how good it is for me.
00:23:49.630 --> 00:23:50.350
There we are.
00:23:50.509 --> 00:23:55.069
I am not gonna start a meditation practice where I meditate 30 minutes every day.
00:23:55.309 --> 00:23:59.549
I don't, my story is right now that I don't have 30 minutes every day.
00:23:59.710 --> 00:24:09.150
But what if I said, whenever I have five minutes, I'm gonna put my watch timer on, close my eyes, and do a meditation.
00:24:09.309 --> 00:24:10.350
I know how to do that.
00:24:10.590 --> 00:24:12.590
I've done podcast episodes on that.
00:24:12.750 --> 00:24:18.910
A lot less resistance from my brain about whether I have time and whether I can and whether I blah blah blah.
00:24:19.150 --> 00:24:23.630
So maybe we need little pieces because the little pieces add up.
00:24:23.789 --> 00:24:27.950
There's a book called The Slight Edge that you might be interested in reading.
00:24:28.190 --> 00:24:30.670
The little pieces, the little adjustments.
00:24:30.910 --> 00:24:35.309
Now, maybe in a very practical sense, you need an accountability partner.
00:24:35.630 --> 00:24:36.590
Could be that.
00:24:36.830 --> 00:24:44.350
I don't know if I'm gonna go that direction with my goals for this year, but I might because there's a chance I'll end up working with a coach.
00:24:44.430 --> 00:24:46.430
I've certainly done that for a number of different things.
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There's a chance I'll go do something active with a friend or a neighbor.
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I'm not gonna say no because those are powerful things.
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