Jan. 7, 2026
Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy Part Three: Rewrite Your Story
Part 3: In this third part of our special "Confidence Deep Dive" mini-series, I’m breaking down how to stop walking through life "hypnotized" and start making intentional decisions that light you up. If you’re tired of shuffling along without a plan — or if you’re ready to finally understand the hidden story cycle that drives your every move — this episode is for you. **Remember that you have personal email access to me as a subscriber. Send your questions or comments to bonus@che...
Part 3: In this third part of our special "Confidence Deep Dive" mini-series, I’m breaking down how to stop walking through life "hypnotized" and start making intentional decisions that light you up.
If you’re tired of shuffling along without a plan — or if you’re ready to finally understand the hidden story cycle that drives your every move — this episode is for you.
**Remember that you have personal email access to me as a subscriber. Send your questions or comments to bonus@cherylpfischer.com.**
What You’ll Learn:
✔ How to identify the specific activities and environments that truly light you up and give you energy
✔ Practical steps to map out your Story Cycle (S-S-E-A-O) and see how it impacts your daily success
Take Action Today:
- Download your free Story Cycle Tool and Wheel of Emotions at cherylpfischer.com/storycycle
- Brainstorm your "Lit Up" list: Write down 3-5 activities or situations that make you feel happy and energized, then look for the common pattern
- Audit your circle: Identify one person who brings your energy down and decide on a plan to respond with calm and redirection next time you meet
- Choose your intentional story: Pick a goal for this week and work backward: what outcome do you want, and what story do you need to tell yourself to feel the emotion required to get there?
Why This Episode Matters
Midlife is a powerful turning point. It’s when we often realize we’ve been living on default settings, allowing "head trash" or old habits to dictate our confidence. By learning to recognize your emotions and intentionally scripting your internal narrative, you reclaim control over your future.
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want menopause advice, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transformation?
- Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching
Let’s talk health after 50, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.
Connect with Cheryl, Midlife Coach: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website
00:00 - Series Map And Recap
01:31 - Living On Autopilot Vs Awareness
03:45 - Brainstorm What Lights You Up
07:15 - Spot Patterns In Energizing Activities
09:42 - People Who Lift You Up
12:05 - Navigating Draining Relationships
15:05 - Responding Instead Of Reacting
16:55 - The Story Cycle Refresher
19:05 - Unintentional Stories Drive Emotions
21:00 - Designing An Intentional Story Cycle
23:05 - Choosing Emotions And New Scripts
24:00 - Affirmations And Next Steps
WEBVTT
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Hello, confidence deep dive subscriber.
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It is part three of how to stop being your own worst enemy.
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And for some reason, while I'm recording this, there are about 27 airplanes flying over my house.
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So apologies if you hear background noise.
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I don't know what's going on.
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Everybody's going somewhere.
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But let's get started.
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So make sure if you haven't listened to part one and part two, here's what we talked about.
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And I think you'll want to pause on this and you'll want to go back and start with those.
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So this is going to be a four-part series overall.
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And part one of how to stop being your own worst enemy was about the five traps that we fall into that create this, I'm kind of shooting myself in the foot, I'm my own worst enemy situation.
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And those are important because you want to recognize when that happens.
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And then part two, we talked about the fact that words have power, the power of our thoughts, the power of what we say, and we talked about the story cycle in our minds.
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And we're going to go through that again today so that we can refresh our memory.
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And we're going to talk about recognizing emotions.
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We're going to talk about the unintentional versus the intentional power of this story cycle.
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And then in part four, coming next week, we are going to learn some reset tools.
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How, well, let's say I recognize this.
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I want to switch to something that is more productive, more affirming.
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How do I do that?
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I'm bringing that to you next week in part four.
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Okay, let's dive into part three.
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Now that I've given you your map, your lay of the land for this mini-series.
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All right, first of all, I want to focus a little bit on finding the things that are good for you.
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And that might be things, it might be people.
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And this really falls under the major heading of awareness again.
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Because I I once read a book and I wish I could remember the name of it exactly, but the book was basically saying that most of us walk through our life kind of hypnotized.
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And in fact, in maybe two weeks from the day this is coming out, there is going to be on the Mind Your Midlife podcast an episode that I did with a hypnotherapist.
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So after having talked to her and actually done a hypnosis session with her, I can tell you it is actually pretty possible to walk through life being basically hypnotized, not paying attention to what's going on around us, not actually making a decision for ourselves in every moment.
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Instead, just kind of putting one foot in front of the other and shuffling along.
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And the idea of maybe kind of looking at the ground and shuffling along as forward-ish as you can get, I think is a good visual.
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That's how a lot of us go through life.
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And I think we probably all are going to have some phases like that.
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But I want us to pause and I want us to actually think about if we're really trying to stop being our own worst enemy, we have to know what's good for us.
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And by good, that might mean healthy, it might mean makes you happy, it might mean gives you energy, it might mean just in general brightens your mood a little bit.
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What's good for us?
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So the first thing is I'm gonna say what lights you up.
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And this could be related to your work, your business, it could be related to an activity, a hobby, a sport, it could be related to a relationship.
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So I want you to brainstorm, and in fact, if you want to pause this for a few minutes and grab the notes app in your phone or grab a piece of paper, write down situations that make you feel really happy and energized.
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People, well, actually, skip people for the moment.
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You could start the list of people who make you feel really happy and energized if you want, but we're gonna come back to that in a second.
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Activities, hobbies, volunteer things.
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If you think about your work, what I there's not, I don't think, a job or a business in this world that is entirely, woo, I love it every day.
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But what aspects of your day-to-day tasks can you be enthusiastic about?
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Give you energy, make you feel good, make you feel at least intrigued or thoughtful.
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So pause this for a minute and see if you can brainstorm a few of those items.
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All right, did you do it?
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If you didn't, make sure you do it after listening to this episode.
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Because here's what I want you to do: I want you to look at your list and I want you to see if you can find patterns.
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Is there a certain type of situation that you're in in these examples?
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Is it always something that you're doing on your own?
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Are you always doing it with people?
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Are you in charge of the people?
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Or are you the get stuff done person who's working alongside the person in charge?
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Is it active?
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Is it sitting and analyzing things?
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What kind of people are you with?
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What do those people have in common?
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Is there some pattern there?
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Is it something that is fairly easy or simple and you enjoy the repetition of that?
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You enjoy the ease of it, or is it something that is quite challenging and you enjoy that challenge?
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You enjoy digging into that?
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Are a lot of the things you wrote down leisure activities?
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So, you know, you have the day job and you like it, but it's not what lights you up.
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What lights you up is the sports and the hobbies and the having fun with friends.
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Notice that.
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Or is it work-related?
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Did you find lots of things in your day-to-day business or job that you can really get enthusiastic about?
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Lucky you if that is the case.
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I want you to look for those patterns.
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Because let's imagine that you've just realized that you love a challenge when you're around other people who are great team players.
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Let's just say that's what you realized.
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And you'd love it to be active, but it's okay if it's not.
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Well, guess what?
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What if we could add more situations like that?
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Think about how else I could put myself in a situation that is a challenge with other people who are in there with me and we're working it out together.
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I bet there's things.
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I bet there's active team types of things, I bet there's game types of things, clubs, there's so many.
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But you need to know what pattern there is in these things that light you up.
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And you need to actively make the decision to put those into your life.
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Okay, so if you didn't take enough time to think about that, take time when you finish this episode.
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It's really powerful.
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And I promised you we'd talk more about the people.
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All right.
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So I want you to pause again, unless you already did this, and I want you to think about the people in your life you love to be around, and when you leave them, you just feel so good.
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They bring you up.
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And that doesn't mean it's all skipping through daisies whenever you're with them, but you are lit up in some way, whether it's energy, whether it's your brain is inspired, you're just smiling, you just feel good in some way when you're around these people.
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So I want you to pause and I want you to note down at least a few people in your life who are like that.
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Okay.
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Got it?
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Now look at your list of people.
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And this obviously is not necessarily an exhaustive list.
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You might be doing the laundry and you don't have time to sit and make an exhaustive list.
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That's okay.
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Again, we want to look for a pattern.
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What do the people you love to be around have in common?
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Have you met them through some sort of situation?
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Have you been with them in some sort of situation?
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Do they have a similar personality in some way?
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Do you always do similar things?
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Is it more about the activities than the people?
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What do they have in common?
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And I would rather you not just say their family or their old friends.
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Let's see if we can go deeper.
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What are their similarities?
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Look into their personality.
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How do you interact?
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What's what's similar about that?
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Now, what if I asked you?
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And I don't want to focus on this for too long, but this is really important to think about.
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What if I asked you to make a separate list of people who bring your energy down?
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And I'm gonna give you a story to uh explain what I mean by this.
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Because even though we do kind of walk through our lives half asleep a lot of times, you probably know when you are around someone who brings your energy down.
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I have a family member who's often quite negative, pessimistic.
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That's one I recognize, and I am careful about how I react and respond.
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Um, I also realized at one point, this was years ago when my kids were growing up, that I had a friend who maybe I needed to take a bit of time away from.
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And this friend is just a really friendly and fun person, lots of energy.
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We uh our kids went to the same school, we lived in the same area, so we were involved in a lot of the same things, we did things together, we ended up at group events and we saw each other a lot.
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And I realized at one point, after a long, long, long, long time, that when I left my interactions with her, I felt worse about myself.
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And let me just say, in all fairness, it wasn't any direct thing that she was doing.
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She is a nice person, and I believe she was always trying to be a nice person.
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I was doing something with like a weird comparison.
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I'm not good enough, I can't hang with this popular crowd, I'm doing air quotes, whatever.
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I truly don't think she was trying to come across that way, but boy, was that what I was reading in.
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And it was really not good for me.
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It was like I put myself back into this dorky, geeky middle school person who couldn't hang with the people that were cool.
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I had to, I had to distance myself for a little while.
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Not her fault, I don't think.
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But there was something about my relationship with her that was not good for me.
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And so I interacted with her less.
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Now that's a friend.
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It's easier when we're talking about a friend than when we're talking about a family.
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I am not saying to you stop interacting with family.
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I don't personally believe there's really any reason to stop interacting with family unless there is, of course, you know, some major abusive type of thing.
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I can't judge that.
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I don't know your story.
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With the family member I mentioned, I just am more careful about how we interact.
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Uh, and I love this person and I want that to keep happening.
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And so it's gotten really so much better over the years because I am in control of my reactions.
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So if you have people in your life who I'm gonna say bring your energy down in maybe the ways I've described or some other way, I think you know, you maybe don't want to think about it, but you know.
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What are those relationships?
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Are they friends?
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Are they family?
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Are they colleagues in some way?
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Are they neighbors?
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Who are these people?
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And would you like to interact less with them?
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What are the pros and the cons there?
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I didn't really want to interact less with my friend.
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She was, you know, high energy and really fun.
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And I just I still recognize that for my own health at that time, I needed to minimize it a little bit.
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So maybe that's the answer.
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Or what if you change the way you speak with them?
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Now, this is an interesting one, and we're gonna talk in part four a little bit more about how we how we speak because conversation, the habits we have in conversation is one way of resetting this whole I'm my own worst enemy thing.
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But let me just say this now.
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What if you before you interact with this person, you kind of remind yourself what to expect.
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You remind yourself that responding is different than reacting.
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Responding is thoughtful and calm.
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And you remind yourself that you can redirect the conversation when you want to, and you have some plans for ways to do that ahead of time.
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We're gonna talk about this next time, and maybe that'll make the difference.
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Maybe that will really change the whole interaction.
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So the key here is not to be cutting people out at all.
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At all.
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I've been on the other end of that situation and it's it's awful and sad and hurt it hurts.
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The key is to be aware of the activities and the people that light you up, the let's say, even activities and the people who bring you down, and to make decisions about how you'll participate and be around the ones that bring you down, and how you'll participate and be around the ones that lift you up.
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Not everybody in your life has to be your personal cheering section.
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It's not really about that, it's about how you feel.
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It's recognizing that.
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Because when we gloss over that stuff, that's part of how we become our own worst enemy.
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Okay, so let's keep going on this feel topic because the next thing is to learn how to recognize our emotions.
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So back in part two, we talked about the story cycle.
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S-S-E-A-O.
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Situation, story, emotion, action, outcome.
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Okay, let me give you an example of what this is.
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So you are all the time in a situation, right?
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Um, let me think of an example here.
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I actually was interviewed on a podcast last night, and she was asking me about uh a coaching relationship I'd had with a client, and I gave her an example.
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So I'm gonna give you this example.
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So the situation was that this coaching client, let's call her Ingrid, was in a sales profession and was not hitting her goals and was uh feeling really frustrated and upset about it.
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The frustrated and upset part is not part of the situation, though.
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The six situation is the facts.
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She has a sales job.
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She has not hit her goals in the past, let's say, three months.
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That's the situation.
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No other added feel bad because of this, blah, blah, blah.
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The next step is story.
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That's where the rest of that stuff comes in.
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What is Ingrid telling herself?
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What are you telling yourself about the situation?
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This means that I'm a terrible salesperson, I must be annoying people.
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In her case, she was telling herself she must be annoying people.
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So of course they weren't gonna buy from her.
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Well, if that's the story, running around in her head all the time, what emotion is that creating?
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That's the emotion part.
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Well, she was feeling frustrated, and honestly, I think a little, you know, small or embarrassed.
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That's a bit strong of a word.
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So we'll stick with frustrated, but there was there was emotion there.
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And so what happens is the emotion that's created by the stories we're telling ourselves affects the action we take.
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So is Ingrid gonna go out and really put her best foot forward in doing this sales job and talking to people who quite legitimately may need the solution that she's offering?
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Well, probably not.
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Not when she's feeling frustrated and she's feeling down on herself.
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She's gonna come across maybe in a little bit of a desperate way, or maybe she's gonna sort of walk into a conversation, assuming they're gonna say no.
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People can feel that, right?
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And so, what's the outcome gonna be?
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Well, certainly fewer sales than what she could otherwise do.
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And maybe that's what we've been running for the past three months.
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That's what I mean about the story cycle.
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And in life, we sort of run these story cycles all the time because there's always thoughts running through your head.
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They're always creating emotions, and that's always affecting your actions, always.
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So that's what we call the unintentional story cycle.
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It's just happening.
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We who knows where the story came from.
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Maybe it's experiences we had in the past, maybe it's anxiety about what's coming next, you know.
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Maybe it's we're trying to do something we don't even care about it.
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Who knows?
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:29.759
That's always happening.
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So now we realize that the thoughts in our heads and the emotions they're creating really matter.
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So, what if we want to change that?
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:45.039
That's why you're here.
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:47.200
How to stop being your own worst enemy.
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We want to create what's called an intentional story cycle as opposed to unintentional.
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So let's do it backwards.
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So remember.
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Remember, we had situation, story, emotion, action, outcome.
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I almost forgot.
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Let's go backwards.
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What's the outcome you want in the situation?
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And you can make a crazy big outcome if you want, or you can make a realistic outcome.
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She wants to meet her goal in the over the next three months.
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Okay.
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Let's go backwards again.
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Actions.
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What actions does she want to, want to take in order to have that outcome?
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We usually know this, right?
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We may not do it, but we know the actions that would be smart to take.
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So we can create a list.
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She's going to make a certain number of calls, set up a certain number of coffee meetings, or you know, however the business works.
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That's what she wants to do, and that's what she will do to meet this outcome.
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