Dec. 10, 2025

Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy, Part 1: Five Self Talk Traps

Part 1: Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why am I the one standing in my own way again?” You’re not broken. You’re human. And in midlife, when change is everywhere, our brains can get extra loud trying to keep us “safe.”

In this first episode, I’m kicking off a mini-series on how to stop being your own worst enemy. We’re getting super clear on the five sneaky mental traps that fuel self-sabotage, shrink your confidence, and keep you stuck in patterns you’re ready to outgrow. The good news? Once you can spot these traps, you can start stepping around them.

**Remember that you have personal email access to me as a subscriber. Send your questions or comments to bonus@cherylpfischer.com.**

🎯 OMG Moment: You are not your thoughts. These traps are brain-protection patterns, not truth—so once you name them, you can change them.

Take Action
As you go through your week, notice which trap pops up most for you. Is it comparison? Fear of failure or success? The feeling that you can’t do something because you’ve never done it before? Just name it in the moment: “Oh, that’s the trap talking.” Awareness is the first real shift.

Why This Episode Matters
Midlife is not the time to play small. But if 77% of our thoughts skew negative, it’s no wonder women over 40 and 50 sometimes feel stuck, second-guess themselves, or stay quiet about what they want. This episode helps you catch the patterns that create self-sabotage—so you can start choosing confidence, momentum, and a mindset shift on purpose.

Next in the Series
In part two, we’ll talk about the power of words and how your self-talk shapes your results—often more than you realize.

Support the show

🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!

🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.

💡Want menopause advice, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transformation?

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Let’s talk health after 50, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.

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00:00 - Why We Become Our Own Worst Enemy

00:49 - Survival Brain And Negative Bias

02:01 - Trap 1: Demanding Evidence First

02:54 - Trap 2: The Comparison Blindspot

03:44 - Trap 3: Fear Of Failure Or Success

04:43 - Trap 4: When Motivation Runs Dry

05:30 - Trap 5: Speaking Doubt As A Habit

07:01 - Review And What Comes Next

WEBVTT

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You are meant to grow.

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You're meant to learn.

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You're meant to shine in your own special way.

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But we all fall into traps sometimes that cause us to become our own worst enemy.

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And so that's what this month's mini-series in Confidence Deep Dive is all about.

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Thank you for joining me.

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This is part one of how to stop being your own worst enemy.

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And the first thing we're going to talk about, and this is today's episode, is the five traps we fall into that cause us to do this to ourselves.

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What's even going on?

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Why are we doing this?

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It's really brain science because our brains are wired to protect us.

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They're wired for survival.

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And we receive input from the time we're born about survival.

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People tell us no in order to protect us.

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Maybe it's don't touch the hot stove or don't run in the street.

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Sometimes people tell us no for other reasons.

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Maybe it's not really meant to protect us, it's some other scenario.

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But according to behavioral research, as much as 77% of what we think is negative or works against us.

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So is it because we were told no not to touch the hot stove?

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Well, of course not.

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Good thing we were told no not to do that.

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Some things we can't do because we need to be safe.

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But in order to keep us safe, the brain starts to take in this information that we need to always be comfortable.

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We need to always be safe because we need to survive.

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So let's see what these self-talk traps look like.

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Trap number one is evidence or lack of evidence.

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And this is when you are thinking, well, I've never done that before.

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So I guess it must not be possible.

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There's no evidence that this is possible or this is true.

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So maybe you're going for a new job or you want a promotion or you are going for a new goal in your business or you want a new type of relationship, but you've never done that.

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And so your brain is saying to you, well, that's not gonna work.

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Show me the evidence that that works.

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I see none.

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It's not gonna work.

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So that lack of evidence is trap number one.

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And of course, the fact that you've never done something before doesn't mean you can't do it, right?

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But that's what our brain fixates on sometimes.

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Trap number two.

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Comparison.

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And whoo, we have a whole podcast episode about this.

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I don't look or sound like her.

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I'm a mess compared to her.

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I could never do what she does.

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We're comparing ourselves to someone else.

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We're only seeing their success, or sometimes we say their highlight reel.

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And we're thinking, well, gosh, my life doesn't look like that, my day doesn't look like that, my house doesn't look like that, whatever.

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But we're not seeing the whole picture.

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We're not seeing the behind the scenes.

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We're just making a comparison with the shiny parts from someone else's experience.

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That's the second trap.

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Trap number three, fear of failure.

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And honestly, this might be fear of success more than fear of failure.

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Maybe I should name it that.

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And this is when you catch yourself kind of thinking in your mind, if I'm too happy, I better be careful because the other shoe is going to drop.

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And if you don't know that saying, it means something bad's gonna happen.

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Or, and this truly drives me nuts, don't get your hopes up.

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This idea that if we get our hopes up, if we really start hoping for something, expecting it to happen, then that's risky or dangerous, keeps us keeps us away from all kinds of cool stuff.

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Get your hopes up.

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But I'm on the traps, so this is a trap.

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Fear of success, fear of failure, fear that something bad is gonna happen.

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Trap number four, lack of motivation.

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And this can come from being physically tired, it can come from being emotionally tired, it can come from being mentally tired, just you know, having fallen down a few times in a row, but you're thinking to yourself, it's not worth the effort.

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Like I'd love to have this thing or do this thing, but I don't know if it's worth the effort.

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Or you're thinking, I tried, but I'm too busy to do anymore.

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I'm tired.

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I I just can't keep going with this.

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Lack of motivation.

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And trap number five is we get into the habit of speaking doubt.

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So if you find that you are most of the time voicing your worries instead of voicing your vision, that can be a problem.

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And this is where I often talk about complaining as conversation.

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So we think that, you know, it makes no difference really to always be chit-chatting with other people and saying, you know, the traffic was rough today, wasn't it?

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Gosh, so annoying.

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Traffic's always bad.

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I think it's getting worse.

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Drivers are so crazy and oh, so cold outside.

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Like I'm so sick of the winter, it's so dark, I'm ready for it to be spring.

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If that is how your conversations tend to go regularly, you are teaching your brain to focus on those things, the annoying traffic, the bad part about the weather.

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You're looking for the negative stuff.

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And that's not what we want to teach our brains to do.

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So if we're always voicing our worries instead of our vision, then that's a trap that's gonna hold us back and keep us as our own worst enemy.

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Now, that doesn't mean you can't sometimes vent and voice your worries.

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Of course, you need to vent sometimes.

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But if it's a habit that we're always speaking out, then that is something that is going to hold us back and keep us in that worst enemy position.

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So for today, which of those traps resonates with you?

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So let me just quickly go back and review.

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It's a lack of evidence.

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You've never done that.

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So maybe it's not possible, is what you're telling yourself.

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Or it's comparison that you don't look or sound like someone else, or you just feel like you're kind of a disaster compared to them.

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Or it's a fear of failure, a fear of success.

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Not getting your hopes up.

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I don't want to get my hopes up, or gosh, something bad's gonna happen if I'm if I'm too happy and it was too easy.

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Or maybe it's a lack of motivation.

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Maybe you're just worn out and you're telling yourself, you know what, I tried, but it's just too much.

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It's too hard.

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I can't, I can't, I just can't keep doing this, or I'm too tired, I'm too busy.

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Or that last one, you're in the habit of always speaking doubt, which creates a focus on your worries or complaints as opposed to something bigger and better.

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So we all fall into these traps sometimes.

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The key is we need to learn how to get ourselves out of them, and we need to learn how to recognize them so we can get ourselves out of them.

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And so the fact of the matter is, words have power, and that's what we're gonna talk about next time.

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I'll see you then.