Nov. 12, 2025

Body Image Mindset Series, Part 1: Why We Struggle

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and felt critical of what you saw? Most of us have had moments — or seasons — of unhappiness with our bodies. In this first part of the Body Image Mindset mini-series, we're talking about why that happens, why it’s completely normal, and why you’re not broken for feeling this way.

This episode explores:

How early comments or criticism about our bodies can shape lifelong beliefs (Listen to episode 57)
The impact of growing up surrounded by magazines and media showing “ideal” (and often unreal) women
Why our brains are wired to compare ourselves to others — and how that ties back to a basic human need for safety and belonging
What happens to our body image when change (like menopause) meets our brain’s resistance to change
The role of the subconscious mind — especially the reticular activating system — in reinforcing negative body thoughts

Cheryl reminds us that much of our body criticism comes from subconscious survival mechanisms. Your brain is trying to keep you safe and help you “fit in,” but it can sometimes turn against you with harsh self-talk. Recognizing that process is the first step toward shifting it.

You’ll also hear how to start releasing self-judgment — through awareness, forgiveness, and practices like tapping — so that you can move toward a kinder, more compassionate relationship with your body.

Reach out to Cheryl via email at bonus@cherylpfischer.com. (These are answered personally - not with a bot!)

💛 This is Part 1 of a four-part Mindset Deep Dive series available exclusively for subscribers. Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll talk about how to start rewriting those deep-seated body beliefs.

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💡Want menopause advice, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transformation?

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Let’s talk health after 50, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.

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00:07 - Setting Up The Mini Series

00:22 - Why Body Image Feels So Hard

01:56 - Harm From Early Critique

04:07 - Media, Models, And Unreal Images

06:46 - The Urge To Fit In

09:08 - How Your Brain Filters Reality

13:30 - Midlife Change And Menopause

16:42 - Noticing Negative Self Talk

18:16 - Tapping And Next Steps

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Hello, hello.

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Thank you for being here.

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This is part one of our body image mindset mini series, and this will be four parts over the next few weeks.

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So thank you for joining me.

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Alright, the first thing I think we have to recognize is that the whole reason that we have a body image mindset mini-series is that this is something that we really struggle with sometimes.

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And maybe it's been an ongoing issue for you that you're not happy with certain aspects of your body, or you're very self-critical, or maybe it just comes and goes.

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That's possible as well.

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But for all of us, there typically has been at least a period of time when we really haven't been happy with our bodies.

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And so I want to start in this part one with helping us to understand why that is and to realize that it's okay, it's normal, there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with me, and we can move forward and we can maybe change this thought and feeling relationship with our bodies a little bit.

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And that'll be coming in the next few parts.

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So if you heard my latest podcast episode, I talked through more detail on why, goodness, why?

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Why do we end up with these just very self-critical talk towards ourselves and negative body image?

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And so I'll go over a few of them now.

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And I would encourage you to go and listen to that real talk on midlife body image episode, episode 57.

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So why are we so hard on ourselves?

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Unfortunately, more of us than I ever realized, now that I'm asking people this question and talking about this issue, more of us than I ever realized have grown up with negative critique from trusted people.

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And that specifically negative critique about our bodies.

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And it could be anything from just very benign, oh, you're growing so fast, now I have to buy you new clothes that a child then takes personally into our heart that I'm doing something wrong.

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Growing is wrong because now you have to spend money on me and you're upset about that.

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And of course, a parent maybe doesn't mean that at all.

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They're just talking out loud.

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That's more of the benign thing that might happen.

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But then, as I mentioned in the episode, there are people who grew up with adults in their lives truly being cruel, calling them names, asking them if they've gained weight, looking at them and making them feel like they were ugly or not appealing in some way.

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And that's a real thing.

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And if you didn't grow up with that, and thankfully I didn't, I want us just to all take a moment and be grateful that we didn't.

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But if you did, I want you to know that you're not alone and you can start to change the image you have of yourself, and you can start to quiet some of those voices.

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And and most importantly, I want you to know that whoever was telling you negative things about your body, they were the ones in the wrong.

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And they were doing it for kind of a power kick, or they were doing it because when people are feeling when people are feeling weak, or people are feeling uh a lack of self-esteem, sometimes they belittle other people, put other people down in order to make themselves feel better.

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So it was coming from something else, not about you.

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And I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

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We also, of course, Gen X, you know, uh, I mean, the the magazines that we looked at when we were growing up, um, trying to think YM, Young Miss, YM, was one that I loved.

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And then, of course, all the way to cosmopolitan, everything in between.

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We there was always discussion about how are we objectifying women in these magazines, and no real person looks like that.

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And now it's kind of a hundred or a thousandfold because we have the internet, and again, we have women who are paid to be actors or models, and generally live in a very careful way, hardly eating, exercising all the time, and then being careful how they're shown, and you know, having makeup and airbrushing, and then the pictures may not even be real, and then we have AI.

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So there's so much out there that is potential fodder for our brains to latch on to and say, Well, you don't look like that.

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Why don't you look like that?

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That's what you're supposed to look like.

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You're supposed to look like that.

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That's what a that's what a 35-year-old woman looks like, that's what a 40-year-old woman looks like, that's what a 50-year-old woman looks like.

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What do you look like?

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You look like garbage.

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And I hope your brain is not quite that mean, but it happens, and it's not true.

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So comparing ourselves is one of those traps that we fall into because actually what you're trying to do deep, deep, deep in your subconscious is fit in.

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We have this need as humans to be part of a group.

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And, you know, in the past, it would have been being part of a tribe of some sort where you were kept safe and you were given food and everybody had their job or their position.

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We have an inherent subconscious need to be part of some sort of group creating safety.

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And that translates to, I want to fit in.

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And if you think about being a teenager, goodness, we all wanted to fit in, and it was so tricky because our bodies were changing at all different times in all different ways.

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And unfortunately, if we have had negative message, negative messages to ourselves about our bodies, and then we go through this puberty teenage period, and we feel like we look different than other people, it can plant a message that there is something wrong with your own body, with my own body.

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We can plant that message just because we felt uncomfortable about how we perceived ourselves to be changing.

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And then if we go back and think about social media, your brain wants you to fit in.

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You want to look like other people, you want to find a group that thinks like you, and it's not as if every decision you make is you chasing after, I have to look and think like this group of people, where's my group of people?

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It's still something that's in your subconscious brain that fitting in and having this safety group.

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And so if you spend a lot of time on social media, it can be negative for your body image, depending on who you're watching, depending on who you're following.

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There is, I'm gonna have to look it up and put it in the show notes.

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There is a woman on Instagram who I follow who I think was a model.

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I'm not sure if she still is a model, it doesn't matter, but a lot of what she does on her Instagram is show us how what you see is not real.

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And now she's had a baby and she's uh this is why I say I think she was a model.

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I'm not sure she's modeling anymore.

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She's married, she has a baby, but she's still very thin, very, you know, in good shape.

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But she shows how, you know, there's a there's a fat roll here or there sometimes, and then this is what I look like when I pose, and then it's gone.

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So it's so powerful to see that so that your brain realizes you do fit in, you are exactly right as you are, and you are similar to others.

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There's not this other group of amazing, perfect, fantabulous people with amazing bodies that you want to fit in.

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So sometimes we need to show ourselves that, but it's your brain trying to protect you and trying to allow you to fit in.

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And then the next thing that really comes up in a in a period like midlife is that we also have, coming again from this angle of safety, we also have an aversion to change.

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So your subconscious brain is tasked with keeping you alive.

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And I mean that very literally.

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That part of your brain is what is running your heartbeat and your breathing in and out and your blood flow and all the things that we do without thinking about them.

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Imagine if we had to think about all that and think about just keeping ourselves alive.

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That's what your subconscious brain is in charge of.

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And if we expand that out of the physical, it's also understanding and interpreting your environment and taking action that is safe for you and keeps you alive.

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And this is where I often talk about what's called the reticular activating system.

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So your five senses, I'm focused mainly on eyes and ears, I suppose, but it's all five senses, are how you take in information about the world.

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You see around you, you hear, you smell, you touch, you taste.

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Uh, I forgot, I think I missed one.

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Anyway, we got it.

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I don't know which one I missed.

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You take in all this information in every second.

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Your brain is taking in sounds and things that you see and smells and just all this stuff.

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But you are not consciously reviewing all of that.

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You would spend all day trying to take in all the information from your environment.

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Your subconscious brain filters it.

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This is the reticular activating system, and it filters it to pick out okay, what do we want to notice?

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And it's very important to understand our environment and to be safe and to stay alive.

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So I want to bring our attention to the things that make sense and that equate to what we believe about life and the world.

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Or it brings our attention to things that are scary and dangerous.

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So either we are just filtering all this input and finding things that, okay, make sense and agree with our view of the world, and okay, we continue on, everything is safe, everything is good, or it's noticing something that is particularly dangerous in that moment so that we can be safe and take action and stay safe.

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So that is your brain's goal is to keep you alive and keep you safe, and thank goodness it is.

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So if we're really struggling with a body image, a definition of our body in the world that is negative and is critical, then your brain is going to notice more information to uphold that belief.

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Your brain is going to point out to you when you don't look so good in that pair of pants, your brain is gonna point out to you that everybody at the party seems to be so much more put together and thinner and taller and shorter and can wear heels.

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You see my point, hopefully.

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Your brain is looking for evidence to agree with what you've saved about yourself in your subconscious brain, and that is how it is supposed to work because safety means staying alive.

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Now, especially in midlife, what's going on right now?

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You might have hit it already, you might haven't hit it yet, but it's coming for you.

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I'm hitting it right now.

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That is menopause.

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And your body will probably change somewhat during this period of time.

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Now, please understand, I'm not saying that you're definitely gonna gain a ton of weight and you're definitely gonna become an apple shape or any of that.

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None of that is definite.

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Everybody's body is different.

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Your eating habits are different, your fitness habits are different, the way your body responds to things are different.

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So there's no, I just am gonna gain weight.

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It's kind of like whenever my friends and I were all having babies ages back.

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Some people would say, Well, I'm just never gonna get my body back after I have a baby.

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And I'm sorry, but that is not definitively true.

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I did it, I'm in better shape now than I was, well, than I was when my kids were young.

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I don't know if I just upheld what I was talking about, but anyway, it's not definitively true that when you go through a change like menopause, you will suddenly become X, Y, and Z type of body, and you will just never be able to get in shape again.

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That's not true.

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I could show you plenty of evidence against that.

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And at the same time, because there's change happening, our brains don't love change.

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Change represents a lack of safety.

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Change means, but if only I could, if only I could just be where I was, I understood where I was.

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Now this is new and I don't understand, and maybe this is not good, and I'm not sure.

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This is all the stuff going on in your brain.

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All the stuff.

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And I'm gonna do a deep dive mindset series on here in a month or two, and we're gonna talk about how we gradually change our focus to a new idea and living by a new idea and why it's a struggle.

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But we'll touch on that a little bit in this series, too.

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So if your body's changing, your brain doesn't like change, you might have a tendency to be a bit more self-critical than usual.

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So all those pieces put together, I just want you to know you are not alone if you are struggling with how you're looking at your body right now.

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And maybe it is true that your clothes are fitting differently, and maybe it is true that your energy level is changing, and maybe it is true, you know, that some of these other things about your body are changing.

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First of all, I want to tell you to get help from professionals if you are having concerns about your body, whether it's a medical doctor, whether it's someone who specializes in treating menopause and hormone replacement therapy, whether it's someone who specializes in fitness.

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Uh there's there's so many different options out there.

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And if you just go back and look at some podcast episodes, there's some amazing experts in all those areas that have joined me over the past few months, reach out to them, find a professional to help you.

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And I just want you to recognize that when you are being super critical of yourself, whether it's you saw yourself in a picture and oh my gosh, what is going on with my neck or my chin or my arms or my whatever, or whether you're looking at yourself in the mirror or you're trying to button your pants, or you're looking at someone you know, and then you're looking at yourself and you're thinking, Why am I such a dumpy whatever?

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I just want you to recognize when you do that to yourself.

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I want you to recognize that it is not true, whatever always or never statement that you might be telling yourself, I'm never gonna be happy with how I look again, I'm always gonna gain weight, I'll never be able to lose it.

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No, always and never statements are not true.

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And I want you to forgive yourself for whatever stuff you've been saying about your body.

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It's perfectly normal.

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You are not alone.

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And I would say the majority of the people you know, the women particularly, in midlife particularly, are struggling with the same thing.

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Forgive yourself.

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This is happening for all the reasons we just talked about, and it's perfectly normal.

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And you can do something to change the angle, let's say, of how those thoughts are impacting you and what they're saying to you inside your head.

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And that's what we're going to be talking about throughout this next series.

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If you are really struggling with, oh my gosh, I can't believe this, as you start recognizing and you're getting angry with yourself, I want you to try tapping.

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And if you go back to the series about making a job change, I did a tapping practice in there.

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I also have a podcast episode about tapping, you're tapping on the karate cha point of your hand and then going through the points on your face and on your collarbone and crown of your head and just saying to yourself some of these things that are upsetting you and allowing that feeling, that emotion to flow through you and to calm down.

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And I think I'll add an actual tapping practice later in this series as well.

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So stay tuned for that.

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Just know you are not alone, and we can shift this.

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And I'll be back to talk to you more about that next time.

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See you then.